Difference between Wanting and Needing
by bebe-jinx
Summary: Kagome Higurashi is searching for something. But its hard to find what you want when you don't know what it is. She wants Inuyasha Mitsumari, but wanting and needing are two different things and Kagome sees that she needs him even more.
1. Prologue

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Difference between Wanting and Needing

Prologue

The sun was filtering through closed blinds reminding its inhabitants of the day that was to come. _What is it about Mondays?_ Kagome Higurashi sighed and turned her face from the offending rays that hit her face. She felt very cozy and comfortable in the bed that she was laying in. She partly opened her eyes and gazed at the dark blue walls. 

__

Kouga… 

She felt a body stir beside her and an arm wrap around her waist. Mondays were never good days._ Why does it seem like the fun is over the moment the sun rises on a Monday? I swear Mondays were created by the devil._ On Mondays the illusions of the weekend suddenly died and left in its wake memories of something better and a thirst for more good times. 

Kagome tried to loosen the hold kouga had put on her. Unfortunately, he was comfortable too. She glanced at the small table by her side and saw the clock that read 6:15 AM. _Dammit. I have to go to school._ She closed her eyes again, still tired from the night before. Last night had actually been the first night she had had any real rest since Friday. School was on Saturday but that left that night and Sunday night for fun. Because the weekend was so short and fleeting Kagome made sure to make it as wonderful as possible. 

It's easier to forget when everything is fun… 

She sighed and tried yet again to lift kouga's arm. She wasn't in the mood to have anymore fun. She just wanted to move on and live until the next Saturday appeared and blurred everything in her life. The boy she was with now was nice but he had problems on letting go. _That didn't stop you though._ Kagome had known about his "connecting" problems, in fact she had used it to her advantage. She got him way sooner then she had expected. 

Now he had no use. 

Kagome was trying to leave before he woke up. It was always better to leave before they woke up and wanted to "talk". Words, in Kagome's mind, were useless. Anything could be spoken, people weren't mind readers and feelings and thoughts could be hidden. She should know she did it all the time; as long as it meant she got what she wanted.

Kagome shifted and turned to face the sleeping boy. He was actually quite cute. His hair always reminded her of the forest. It was brown, like the bark of trees. And when he opened his eyes, Kagome swore she could see the color of the ocean. He was great; funny, cute, and smart. _I'm sure he'll make someone happy. _But he was useless now. _He isn't what I thought. _Kagome had already gotten what she wanted, but she was still thirsty for something more.

It was the same feeling; every boy left her nothing. That was why she had even gone after Kouga. He was older; already going to university. She had thought that maybe someone more of a man could give her what she needed. 

She was mistaken. 

"Kouga…let go." She whispered to his sleeping form. She brought her hand up and caressed the side of his smooth face. He didn't listen; in fact he got closer. She inwardly sighed. _Its Monday must everything be hard?_ It was sweet really but she didn't want him that way. 

She moved her hand from caressing to his nose. She pinched it close and waited a smile upon her face. It took a while for him to get it and finally come awake; his eyes popping open in surprise. His eyes were tired as they feel upon her smiling face. 

"Let go." Kagome said gentle again. Kouga silently shook his head and snuggled closer to her side. _Oh god. You are so stupid Kagome._ She ran her fingers through his hair amazed at the feel and texture. She felt the tiny kisses he was dropping down her jaw to her neck. 

"You know I have school." She said again trying to reason with him. She was ignoring the sweetness on purpose. It always bothered her when they were this nice. When they were this nice she always felt a pang of guilt. _I should really talk to them about what I want before anything ever starts._

"Don't go today." He simply stated. Like anything was ever simple. She could never miss school, that was the one thing her mother wouldn't let her do. The deal had been set so long ago. As long as she didn't mess up with school she had free reign on her life. 

"I can't. Didn't I say that last night?" She whispered into his ear. His face was at the juncture of her neck and collarbone. She felt him nod his head and the hold on her was eased. Kagome breathed a small sigh of relief; thankful that she wouldn't be missing any school.

She slid out of his warm embrace and out of the cozy bed. She knew he was just watching her get dressed, it was a familiar feeling. All of them watched her dress. They could all probably compare notes and realize that her getting dressed was more of a backward strip tease made for them. 

Kagome still had to change her clothing for school. She never brought her uniforms with her when she spent the night, even when she knew in advance that she would not be waking up in her own room, in her bed Monday morning. 

"When do you get out of school?" his gentle voice asked her as she pulled her skirt on. 

__

I thought I could get out of this.

Kagome resigned herself to being heartless; something she never really enjoyed or saw herself at being good at. "Late. I have a bunch of things to catch up on." She finally said not letting any emotion through. She was hoping that he would get the idea by his self without having her spell it out but she could already see that he wanted to see her again. _This is what happens when they don't get it. Kagome you're so stupid._

He was holding the pillow she was sleeping on now. He looked like a little boy with his hair all mussed up. So adorable. Something she didn't want to see now. He shrugged at her statement. "So. We can do something afterward." His eyes were closed now that she was done dressing and she could already hear him falling into unconsciousness again.

She pulled on her shoes and went over to him. The covers were partly down showing his beautiful back and the muscles underneath. His skin was so smooth and warm underneath her hands last night. She leaned over him and kissed him softly on the cheek and whispered; "No. I'll call you." 

She didn't know if he really heard her but he did nod. Kagome breathed a small sigh of relief; thankful that that was simpler then she thought it would be. He would probably realize later that she never gave him her number. He would get it sooner or later that her call would never come. It was okay though because they would find someone else and she would become another memory of a good weekend a long time ago. 

She gathered her stuff and quickly left, slightly afraid that he would wake again. She wasn't that far from her house, just a mile. She had been farther on similar mornings. It was always so hard to get home without asking for a ride. She had made a point of never telling where she lived; always opting to meet the guy at his place or somewhere to eat. From where she was she could get home in 30 minutes if she hurried. Sango never picked her up for school until nearly 7:15.

The sun was already up but it was too early for it to start being hot. A breeze rustled the leaves and cherry-blossoms before spinning her hair. The silence. It had a way of being claming or disturbing. It was nice like this in the morning when there no cars on the street and the street vendors had yet to open. She was walking quickly down the street, she still had to shower. She didn't like going to school smelling like a conquest. 

She glanced yet again at the watch her father had left her, 6:35. She didn't normally think about the watch. It wasn't that cute or even worked that well. It was always three minutes off. She could set the thing and before she knew it, it would be 3 minutes off from where she had left it. The thing was weird. She would take it off but in the end, it was the only thing she had of her father. At least the only physical item of his. His pictures adorned her house and there was one of her sitting in his lap when she was six in her wallet. But the watch was the only thing that he had worn and lived in. 

Her brisk walk had turned into a little jog; she was always going somewhere. The sound of the hammer caught her attention before she realized where it was coming from. She turned her attention to the sound to her left and saw the boy on top of the house hammering at something. 

Kagome squinted her eyes to figure out who the familiar looking person was. Inuyasha Mitsumari. She knew Inuyasha, they went to the same school. And although he was in a grade higher than she was they did share some classes. But she never spoke to him; she never saw a reason. Inuyasha was the mystery boy who lived at a shrine. She had been there before after her father had died. 

She still wondered how people could find solace in no answers. 

__

BEEP. Kagome looked down at her watch. 6:50 AM. She had to get home. She returned to her jog pace and headed quickly home. She was starting to doubt if she could get there and shower in time. Thankfully her mother wasn't home. Work started at 6:00 in the Higurashi home. Her mother's stare at her late daughter was never a good thing Kagome liked to bear. 


	2. Chapter 1

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A/N: Naraku is kinda different in this. I just see Naraku in fics always an asshole from the beginning, well this one isn't a complete ass from the start but things may change. 

Difference between Wanting and Needing

Chapter 1 

Her watch glowed 6:58 AM as she stepped foot into her house. There was on one home. It was late; her mom was at work and Souta had already left for school. Even though she was all alone she still walked quietly through her house. 

Her place wasn't big; in fact it was just one story, just enough room for each person to have their own space. Her own room was located at the back of the house, away from everything. Just the way she wanted it. Not because she wanted to alienate herself but because being away from the other rooms meant she wouldn't have to worry as much about being overheard talking to anyone. 

She retreated to her room and put down her purse. She started rummaging through her drawers for parts of her uniform. _I should really put this stuff together before I leave._ She truly doubted being on time for Sango. She turned to go to the shower but stopped herself remembering something of importance; she turned back to her purse. 

Before she could even take her shower she had something to do. She started dumping things out of her purse looking for her memento. Ever since the eve of her 16th birthday, when her whole life of endless pursuit had begun, she had always taken a memento from the guy. Anything she could get in her hands that had belonged to them. It didn't matter what; a shirt, a bracelet, an earring even a book would do as long as it looked used. It was her own personal charm bracelet, each object signifying a conquest; someone she had taken. Each one held its own personal memory of those weeks; the journey she had taken to get him. 

__

Where is it? Kagome had taken a brown leather headband of Kouga's. She had snuck it in her purse when he had gone to the bathroom. It was worn and looked old; it was exactly what she wanted. 

It wasn't like she was obsessed. She was the farthest from it. She just needed proof. Pictures were fine but never good enough. Pictures got old and tarnished; distorting the image. Pictures only held an image; nothing real from that person was ever seen. Besides pictures never _felt_ like the person, it was like it was fake. She finally found the band trapped in her wallet. She placed it on top of the Calculus textbook she had gotten from a very nerdy senior named Jekku. He had been very nice person; trying to teach her math, something she couldn't grasp if her life depended on it.

She wiped the past from her mind as she set out to shower before Sango appeared. As long as she was clean she could do the rest really fast in the train station restroom. Kagome started the shower and stripped herself of all her clothing; except for her watch. She never took it off, not after she had found it in her mother's bedroom closet in a shoebox. It was always off in giving time but it never broke being exposed to water. It was her trusty watch; always telling her the right moment to leave or to get things rolling. It always kept her on time; well at least within 3 minutes of the right time. 

While she waited for the water to heat up, she turned and looked at herself in the mirror. There wasn't a mark on her; thanks to Kouga's gentleness. She had been with guys way more …rough. It was fine; sometimes she wanted that but it was nice not having little bruises or scratches left over reminding her of what had gone on the night before. Kagome leaned closer to the mirror and stared at her neck. The scowl on her face was instantaneous as she noticed the little spots on the left side of her neck.

Didn't I tell him no hickeys?! 

Hickeys. One thing that Kagome hated. _Like I'm some junior high school girl love struck._ She couldn't hide them with her uniform. She didn't use makeup so she couldn't use that to cover it up. With hickeys it was like she was parading her private life around. People looked at you different when you had a hickey or two. _Or Four…_ Four of them; she had counted over and over. They weren't that big but big enough to bother her. 

Her eyes swept her skin, rolling over the scar above her left hip. She had seen it so many times, she forgot it was there sometimes. She turned to check her back. Nothing but smooth, flawless skin. _Although a little too pale…_ Kagome didn't get it. She was cute enough; not hot, she was no model. But she was good enough to attract any guy she set her eye on. But with all the guys she had been through, at the end of the tunnel there was still emptiness. She sighed and ran her hands through her silky pitch-black hair.

She realized the fogginess of her image and remembered the shower. She quickly stepped under the hot spray of the shower. As she soaped herself, she thought of Kouga. A reflection of the past was always needed. Kouga had taken longer then most but still shorter then she had thought. 

They had met at the park while she was jogging. She took care of herself. She did that on purpose, just so she _could_ get anyone. It was almost to the point of being a game. They were all the same; a few weeks here, a weekend there; her shortest time being a day. Even Sango had been proud of her for that one. She put a blob of shampoo on her hair.

At first, Kagome had thought that maybe there would be something but quickly that illusion faded and in its place reality. Kouga was wonderful, but just not enough to give her what she wanted. 

She had tried gentle; she had tried less gentle and each had the same ending. It was beginning to be frustrating in its self. Kagome turned to rinse her hair. _I'll never change._ Although it was daunting, it was never so bad as she thought to change her ways. In the end Kagome realized that this was what she wanted; at least for the time being. 

She wasn't so delusional to think that she could handle a commitment. The word itself sent a chill down her back. As far as she was concerned the word commitment was created to be a veil that hid girls from the truth. A girl would think twice about going after something she wanted if she was in a _commitment_. A girl would think she had something if she was in a _commitment._ _Psssh…pure crock._

Kagome knew she sounded jaded but she had fooled around with too many guys who were in a "commitment". Guys were all the same. They say they wanted her, liked her, they said they would leave their girlfriends of 1 year or more for her; only to turn away from her once they had gotten what they wanted. 

Holding out was never an option. She was just too impulsive. She was too many things; too determined, aggressive, needy. No guy could handle that for too long. She checked her watch. She rinsed the suds from it and saw it said 7:10; so it was either 7:07 or 7:13, either way she was running out of time. 

She toweled herself as she walked through her house; the air chilling on her bare skin. Her uniform and underwear was laid out before her on her bed. As she zipped up her skirt she heard the doorbell ring signaling Sango's arrival. Kagome quickly slipped on her shirt and ran for the door. She could have told Sango to give her more time but then that would be exposing her weekend to her friend. 

No matter how much she liked her ways, Kagome never really spoke of them to Sango Tsukino. She had known her best friend for nearly 7 years and it was obvious the girl was just too… innocent for such ways. Sure Sango knew that she had had sex; she just didn't know how much. It wasn't like it was a lot, it was just more then Sango. Sango who was the virgin. Kagome's number was a carefully guarded secret. She never told her naive friend she bedded someone unless it was some spectacular course of events. 

Her friend was all smiles as she opened the door; "Hey are you ready?"

"Yea almost. I just overslept." Kagome said quickly turning away from Sango to go back to her room for her socks. 

"Anything interesting happen to you this weekend?" Sango asked innocently as she followed Kagome to her room. 

"Nope. Nothing really. I just hung out at home." Kagome said as she shrugged. She rifled through her sock drawer looking for a match. She saw Sango from the corner of her eye lean against the wooden drawer.

"Nothing _really_?" Kagome looked up quickly noticing the tone in Sango's voice, like she didn't believe her. Her friend had a very suspicious look in her eye as she raised her hand and traced the curve of Kagome's throat outlining the hickeys. 

Kagome backed away with a sheepish smile on her face, a small pink tint dusting her cheeks; "Okay so I made-out with this guy. Big whoop." The sarcasm dripped from her voice. Sango didn't mind make-out sessions; in fact she did it herself with her boyfriend Miroku. 

"He didn't get the no hickey rule?" she asked. Kagome had already explained how she felt about the little marks before. Sango understood, she had the same rule for Miroku. The first time he didn't listen the bump on his head had lasted for days. 

Kagome just nodded as she slid on her socks. "It doesn't matter. I won't be seeing him again." she stood, grabbed her stuff and was already walking out her bedroom; not giving Sango enough time to question anything. 

~~~~

Kagome actually liked school. Well she didn't like the teachers bossing her around but she could always look past it. She never saw getting an education as a waste. She couldn't; her mother had always taught her the importance of learning. 

She and Sango were sitting on a bench watching all the students run rampant around the schoolyard until the bell rang. They had gotten there with only 5 minutes to spare. They were waiting for Miroku Kyobashi now. He was usually there at school before them doing some duty for a pretty face. 

It was amazing really. Sango's patience and tolerance. She hated Miroku's "friendliness" and told him plenty of times with a good bop on the head to accentuate it. He never learned though but Sango would forgive; all because of that pesky word commitment. 

-I don't see how you can stand it Sango.

__

It's not like he's actually cheating on me.

-But he might as well be. Why- HOW can you stay with him?

We've been going out for nearly a year Kagome. We have a commitment to each other that's not something I can just throw away. We aren't all like you Kagome some of us are actually okay with being with one guy.

Kagome could have nearly smacked her for that. In the end it was just another piece of evidence supporting her theory on commitments. She herself had dumped guys for lesser offences then being "friendly". 

But Miroku had always been the most talkative one of the group. Willing to say hello to a pretty face faster then a speeding bullet. She remembered how friendly he had been when they meet 4 years ago. Of course that was way before Kagome was in her present stage and besides by the time she did get there Miroku and Sango were in a strange phase of being together without _being together_. And that was one thing Kagome just did not do: guys that her best friend dated. 

"Where is he?" she asked impatiently looking around the yard. She couldn't see him; there were too many people running around. The sun was starting to bother her already tired eyes. 

She saw Sango motion to their right and there he was amidst the chaos amazingly enough _not_ talking to a girl, but a boy, the one she had seen that morning during her run home; Inuyasha Mitsamuri. She had seen him around, plus classes, but nothing had ever come of it. Inuyasha Mitsamuri was not popular but not a loser; he was just an average everyday student. Just like Kagome actually. 

Kagome was not a popular girl; preferring to speak to people with brains, but she wasn't a loser. She was just a normal student to everyone. She had carefully crafted herself. She wasn't known as the school slut. She hardly ever messed with guys who went to the same school as her anymore. Too much trouble. Too many almost accidental slips of her name from the lips of boys. She was just an average student, just like Inuyasha Mitsamuri. 

Kagome turned to her friend and feigned an innocent voice; "Can we just go get him?" 

~~~

Kagome studied the two as she and Sango came upon them. Miroku looked slightly annoyed waving some papers in the air while Inuyasha carried a very bored look upon his face. They were talking about something; well Miroku was mostly talking while Inuyasha only had quick responses for her friend. 

"Did you do your English homework?" Sango suddenly asked bringing Kagome out of her observations. 

"Huh?" she replied giving her friend a quick confused look before shaking her head and smiling while giving a real answer; "No. no time." 

Sango shook her head. "Smith will not be happy." Her words were an understatement. Mr. Smith was the only American teacher teaching the English language. The man was a slave driver; giving assignment upon assignment, forcing research to find out as much as the American culture and its people. Really, if Kagome weren't going to be doing business later in life she wouldn't have taken the class or even learned the language. Sometimes it was just so hard to understand. 

Inuyasha was ranting about stopping something when her and Sango finally caught up. He stopped talking altogether when he realized they were there listening. Sango immediately took her place beside Miroku and kissed him on the cheek. Miroku's immediate response was a very goofy smile. 

Unconsciously, Kagome started reviewing everything she could remember of the boy. Inuyasha Mitsamuri lived in a shrine and they shared a Calculus class… She knew very little about him, in fact it was virtually nothing but that didn't mean that she couldn't learn anything about him. There was absolutely nothing wrong with having a new friend; male or otherwise. Inuyasha could be a new friend, besides their friends were going out for a long time…they _should_ be friends.

She bowed her head as she said; "Hello Inuyasha." She made her voice light and gave her best smile. The one that made her look so friendly and disarming.

"Kagome" he said with a nod. She stole a glance to look at the couple who was, at the moment, in a small battle. Miroku was trying very hard for a real kiss with Sango defending him off. Sometimes their showing of affection really got her. It was so sickeningly sweet it could give her diabetes. Her friend was happy with this? A boy who couldn't focus on just one girl? She rolled her eyes at the spectacle.

She turned her attention back to Inuyasha and realized he was giving her an odd look. Automatically, Kagome's hand went up to the side of her neck where Kouga's mark was. She didn't even know if he was looking at them but she really didn't want him, or anyone for that matter, to see them. It was Kagome's view that one look with an added assumption could make her the talk of the boys' locker room.

She wanted to learn more about Inuyasha and she would have loved to have started some type of conversation with him but before she could even open her mouth he was stepping away from the group.

"Come on Miroku. You still have to show me the history homework." Inuyasha said already turning from the group. 

Miroku was stepping away also but turned to Sango first; "Are you going to come with us?" he looked very hopeful into her friend's eyes. Sango and Miroku had first period Writing together, so it would only be logical for them to walk there together. Kagome's class, Calculus, was on the opposite end of the building so she had no reason to go with them. 

Sango turned to look at Kagome who had a very bored look on her face now; "Go. I'll see you at lunch." was the only answer she gave her friend. Sango smiled and bounded off with them. Now what? She glanced at her watch; 7:30 AM. So the bell is going to ring now or in three minutes. She started for the front door anyway; not wanting to get caught in the herd once the bell did ring. She took no notice of anyone as she trekked across the asphalt. 

The sun was starting to beam down unto the cement and the frenzy of children when the bell rang signaling to the students that now was the time to give up 8 hours of their life. The teachers herded the students into the brick building as quickly as possible. _Just like cows…_ Kagome stepped into the glittering locker lined hallway. Natural and florescent light lit up the walls. 

Already people were starting their everyday ritual. She glanced at the pretending-to-be-popular girls already primping themselves in their locker mirrors. Pampering themselves with pink lip-gloss slathered on their lips and perfect manicures. A quick glimpse at her own nails; chipped black nail polish, only solidified the difference. Kagome wasn't a person who talked and never did, she experienced. She was a person way too busy to do her nails every week. 

The squeals to the right of her attracted her attention. The clucking hens of the popular group were always a turnoff she never felt even a tinge of longing to be with them. They were worse then the primpers, for the fact that they made fun of everyone who didn't try to emulate them. They squawked over and over about the same vapid subjects. 

They walked farther down nearing the corner. She had the perfect view to a boy giving money to another for a clear baggie full of something dark green just as their oblivious principle Mr. Kuno patrolled the floor. So nice Mr. Kuno was; so ignorant to the reality of the school. Kagome swore sometimes that a person could be high and the tubby, balding principle would never know the difference.

She turned down the hallway nearing closer to her locker when she felt an arm snake its way along her shoulders. She turned to her right and was greeted with the devious smile of her friend Naraku Lio. 

"Hi Lio." She said giving him a shining smile not stopping her walk towards her locker. She never called him Naraku, not since they were little kids and she would say Narake. Besides she didn't really like the name Naraku, Lio sounded so much better. 

"Hey Kago." He said giving her a peck on the cheek. He started rambling about the troublesome of his classes but Kagome wasn't really listening. He always said the same thing, _blah blah homework, blah blah school, teachers suck, work sucks._ Kagome did what she usually did and nodded every once and while. To any stranger they looked like a couple, but _fortunately_ they weren't a couple. They couldn't be she had known him too long. He was _Lio_ to her. He was the guy who used to spend the night at her house when they were in elementary. He was the little boy who used to sleep with a stuffed monkey. It was Lio. And although there was all this history between them, things had changed. 

"Hello are you listening?" he said lightly knocking on her head. 

"Huh? What did you say?" Kagome said coming out of her trance. He was looking at her weird. She realized they were only a few feet from her locker. His locker was at the other end of another hallway altogether, so she knew that soon he would leave.

"I was asking you out this weekend." He said in a very nonchalant manner. They used to be such good friends but now they were separated; there was no connection. This is what had changed. Hormones. Things were normal and fine but then they hit high school and all of a sudden he's asking her out. At first it was sad whenever she refused him. Now it was just funny. Almost every other week he would ask and she would say no in a different way. 

"Do you need a dictionary Lio?" she asked as she spun the combination to her locker. He was standing beside her his hands in his pockets. 

"Uh no why?"

"So you can look up what the word no means." She finished with a smile and opened her locker.

"You never disappoint me Kagome." He had told her a long time ago that he thought one day she would change her mind and say yes. She sometimes wondered if he still thought that.

BRING BRING The ringing of the warning bell brought the two to attention to the fact there was only 5 minutes left before school really began. Lio gave her another kiss on the cheek and said goodbye before pushing his way through the still crowded hallway. Kagome herself had to get to her Calculus class. It was located at the end of the hallway, the opposite direction Lio had just went. She made her way through saying excuse me and ignoring the bad looks of the people she pushed by. 

It was times like these Kagome wished she were 6 feet tall and weighed 250. Or at least have someone by her side that was. 

The hallway Kagome was in intersected with another corridor, making it that she could see people walk past the hallway or turn into it. Her mood, which wasn't that great to begin with, turned even worse upon seeing Kikyo Kawasake turn and head straight for her. 

It was like this always. Kagome would see her and she couldn't help but be angry. The girl's raven hair glinted under the fluorescent lights and the smile she wore as she waved to her friends was stomach turning. 

It wasn't that Kagome didn't like Kikyo. The girl was fine…she guessed. But then what was she supposed to do about the feelings that sprang up upon seeing the girl. The memories that created themselves, regardless of how hard she tried to ignore them, only hurt more as time passed. 

Seeing Kikyo, meant remembering her father. 

*******

A/n: I'm writing this in regards to ppl who think I'm making kagome into a **slut**. I'm not and I really don't see it when I write. I'm trying to convey her as a person who knows, to a degree, what she wants. This is an AU fic so of course my characters are a bit OOC, it happens. But anyway I'm trying not to make Kagome's innocence based on her virginity because I don't see her as that. I would rather see that her innocence is based on her naiveté to life in general. I know she sounds jaded but then her experiences in this fic have made her so. I hope that when Inuyasha enters that you will see a more 'Kagome-like' character. 


	3. Chapter 2

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Difference between Wanting and Needing 

Chapter 2 

The sun was filtering through blinds reminding its inhabitant of the day that was to come. _What is it about Mondays?_ Inuyasha Mitsamuri groaned and turned his face from the offending rays that could hit him through the slightly cracked blinds. He partly opened his eyes and gazed at the scarlet walls. 

__

Why did I ever choose this color? What the hell was wrong with me?

Of course he knew why he had chosen that color, he was a little kid and it was simple; paint your room your favorite color. But now that he was older the color just reminded him of things better yet forgotten. He slightly lifted his head to glance at the little alarm clock by his bedside; 6:05 AM. With a loud yawn Inuyasha flopped his head back down into his white pillow. The automatic process of what he had to do today started running through his mind. 

__

Monday… What was it about the first day of the week? On Mondays it was like the whole week started over and everything a person did the week before was all in vain. Like everything was always in repeat. 

__

My chores never end do they? It would be nice if Myouga would help for once. 

Myouga, his caretaker, was never at home to help with the slowly disintegrating house. The old man was always gone doing something that was "just so important" whenever Inuyasha mentioned something pertaining to fixing the house or shrine. He shifted and stared at his ceiling; a lighter red color. He sighed; he was so tired. It was daunting; living something; doing something you didn't want to. 

With another yawn, Inuyasha stumbled out of bed to his bathroom. The gleaming lights of the bathroom momentarily blinded his dark eyes. He turned on his shower and undressed; taking everything off but the old beaded necklace. 

The dark mix of red and black beads accompanied by white pointed animal teeth created a stark contrast to his slightly tanned skin. He never took it off. The necklace was really the only thing left of his father; other than that there was no reason to wear them. Inuyasha had found them one day in the attic when he was a child. His mother had said that his father would always wear them wherever he went when he was young. After that it had become Inuyasha's own tradition. 

He had nothing of his father's. 

He looked at the reflection staring back at him. Inuyasha never really liked to look in the mirror. Not because he had issues with the way he looked but because every time he looked he was reminded of his mother. He had her midnight shade of hair and her dark eyes. When he looked at himself he never saw his father that was left to his brother Sesshoumaru. Every time Inuyasha's eyes drifted down to the scar in the middle of his chest, he remembered exactly what he didn't want to. 

It was a mistake to say he didn't have anything but the beads to remember his father, he always had that scar. 

He blinked away images of his parents and remembered the shower. With one last look at his foggy picture, he stepped in the shower. As he soaped himself he thought again of everything that had to be done before the day was over. 

__

Fix the damn shrine roof. There were singles that had to be replaced and instead of calling a professional Myouga had asked if he could just do it. And of course Inuyasha had argued; he didn't want to do it, he wouldn't do as good of a job but in the end he was the one left dealing with the problem. It wasn't a lot of shingles that needed to be worked on but it would still take him a while to finish. So he had decided to start hammering on some of it before he went to school, hoping to get something done so he wouldn't have that much to do when he got home. 

Inuyasha hadn't wanted to deal with the roof because of the other work he had to accomplish that he had reasoned was more important than some roof of a dead shrine.

** 

__

It's way too early to for the sun to be so high. Inuyasha took a glance skyward; the sky was perfect blue mixed with white fluffy clouds that floated effortlessly. Such a picturesque sight; such a contrast to how he felt. 

He was slightly annoyed by the boy standing in front of him at the moment. His friend Miroku Kyobashi was talking fast about something to do with school. Inuyasha didn't really have it in him to care; it was just too early to fight for a cause. 

"Can you just sign this Inuyasha?" Miroku asked exasperatedly. "I only need one more signature. Think of the good this could bring." Uniforms. Miroku was trying to get him to sign a petition to get rid of school uniforms. Which Inuyasha found ridiculous; Japanese schools always had uniforms. 

Inuyasha shook his head; his midnight colored hair following with his movement; "Why should I? You don't even care what this is about. You're just doing this for some girl." Inuyasha said letting some of his irritation show. He hated how Miroku got these causes stuck in his head for some girl _other_ than his girlfriend Sango Tsakino. 

Miroku didn't even blink as he said; "I'm hurt Inuyasha. I would think that you were more aware of my feelings for Sango."

Miroku and Sango were dating now for a long time; Inuyasha was unaware of just how much time. It seemed as if the two had always been together. Inuyasha trusted Miroku when he said he loved Sango, but his attention on other girls was more then discouraging to say the least. 

Inuyasha rolled his eyes; "I do know but that still doesn't stop –" his rant was halted though by an arm that snaked its way around Miroku's left arm. Sango immediately gave his friend a peak on the cheek. The smile on Miroku's face told Inuyasha that his friend had already forgotten the petition he was holding. 

The second girl was Kagome Higurashi. She was a junior in his Calculus class that was the only way he knew her; well except for that day she came to the shrine. He remembered that day but only because she seemed so sad and lost. Although she was a friend of Sango and Miroku, it had never caused the two of them to really speak anything more than a Hello to one another. 

She bowed her head slightly as she said; "Hello Inuyasha." Her voice was light and the smile on her face was very …friendly. Kagome Higurashi always seemed to have a smile on her face. 

"Kagome" he said with a nod. He glanced over at the couple that was, at the moment, in a small battle. Miroku was trying very hard for a real kiss with Sango defending him off. The two had always had a "thing" going on as far as Inuyasha was concerned. It just took forever for them to solidify it. He didn't know if Miroku knew how lucky he was to have a girlfriend who understood him enough _not_ to dump him every time he looked at a girl or took up silly causes.

He looked back at Kagome who was also looking at the couple with an eye roll, which he didn't all together understand. He saw nothing wrong and was happy that his friends were happy. It was sickening sometimes though when their happiness became overbearing. Kagome looked at him, her expression changing to embarrassment as she raised her hand to scratch at her neck. 

He took a glimpse at the large school clock that adorned the giant brick archway in front of the school; 3 more minutes. He needed to do his homework. He turned back to the couple while also backing away from Kagome Higurashi. "Come on Miroku. You still have to show me the history homework." he said already turning from the group.

After saying bye to Kagome, Sango and Miroku followed him. 

The day had yet to start but already the sun was up and beaming upon the trio of students who were making there way across the gray cement. The subtle breeze did nothing to cool down the heat. And Inuyasha could swear he could see the waves of heat radiate off the cement. Once again, as another breeze swirled past him, Inuyasha wished he had something to tie up his long hair. 

His starched dark blue uniform was itchy on his skin and he wished that there were some school in their area that didn't require uniforms. The uniforms didn't allow much for cooling but seemed to hold in all the heat his body created. 

Students were walking around while others preferred to hide themselves from the garish sun under the branches of trees planted sparsely around the yard. Unfortunately, there was no shade along the route they; he, Miroku and Sango, were taking to get to the opposite end of the school they had started from. Miroku's locker was on that side and Inuyasha didn't want to walk all the way over there but he had to do his homework. 

"You don't even know if I'm right Inuyasha. You should do your own homework, it's only history." Miroku said beside him as he dodged around people walking in their way. Inuyasha was walking kind of fast but school was about to start and he still had to go to the other end that they were just at to go to his Calculus class.

Inuyasha shrugged at the comment; "I just didn't have anytime to do it Sunday." He said nonchalantly. In reality he did have time, it was just the fact that he didn't want to do it. It was history; whatever was so good about the past?

"Is Myouga on you about fixing the house again?" asked Sango as she walked faster to keep up with the pace Inuyasha had set. 

Inuyasha just nodded. Myouga, was always on him about something and then never doing anything to solve the problem. Always complaining about something that needed to be fixed or paid for, all for a house he was barely ever in. 

Another student pushed past them. He was already in a bad mood and it didn't help when people pushed and collided with him on a daily basis. He steered the three of them farther away from the crowds of kids; walking on the outskirts of the mob. 

They were passing by benches full with kids sitting; shying away from the rays. He wasn't really paying attention until someone special, in his eyes, came to focus. 

She was sitting there on a bench that was shadowed by tree branches that rustled every once and a while with the thin breeze. She was surrounded by a gaggle of giggling mirrors, all sitting beside her or standing within her view. Kikyo sat there with a smile that Inuyasha could only name as a fake. She never smiled and when she did they were like the one she was showing now. The corners upturned but no teeth and even though the voice that left her rosy lips was light, anyone could see the boredom that took residence in her flat brown eyes if they looked.

It was always like this. He would see her and regardless of everything that went on around him, she would become the whole field of his vision. He still remembered the feel of her lips and softness of her hair as it ran through his fingers. No one had hair as shiny as hers; even though the branches and leaves above her blocked the sunrays, a sheen could still be seen glinting through the shadow. 

She wasn't that far from him, which was why he was staring. He never meant to stare at her but that was difficult when the memories of her always came back to him. Those memories were all he had of her now and although the result was not what he really wanted in the end it was all he got.

He looked over to Sango and Miroku who were looking at him expectantly, like they had asked him something. He quickly thought; trying to remember what they had said. He couldn't, so he gave a safe answer; "No." he said shaking his head picking up speed in his stride. He must have slowed down when Kikyo caught his eye. 

Sango looked almost automatically pissed off at his answer and Inuyasha worried he hadn't given the correct answer. "Why not?" she asked, her mouth gaping open and stopping all three them from their destination of the school doors. 

Inuyasha looked to Miroku who also looked somewhat surprised; "What?" he asked, looking between the two of them. _I have got to pay more attention._

"Miroku helps you all the time and you can't help him with his English?" she asked appalled, her voice a shout over the crowds of kids.

Inuyasha looked over to Miroku, whose vision wasn't on him but behind him; on Kikyo. Miroku was the only one who knew of the summer tryst between he and Kikyo. If it could even be called that; Inuyasha wasn't all too sure. Although his friend knew, Miroku didn't understand why Inuyasha still wanted her, why he even wanted to be with her in the first place. But that was something Miroku didn't understand; something he couldn't understand, because Inuyasha could never explain it. But in the end he couldn't ignore the fact that Kikyo was the first person to ever touch him, to have him feel something different. 

Miroku's eyes shifted back to his friend with a look of understanding. He just nodded and said; "I'm sure Inuyasha was just kidding Sango. He would never do something like that." 

Sango eyed him suspiciously, "You were kidding right Inuyasha?" 

He nodded dumbly and said apologetically; "Y-yes I was. Of course I will help Miroku." He wouldn't admit it out loud but at times Sango was a scary person. 

**

The fluorescent lighting of the classroom caused a slight buzz within the stuffy four walls. It was this incessant buzz that was giving Inuyasha his headache. Really he didn't understand how 34 other people could ignore a sound that just droned on and on, and drilled a deeper hole into his head. He glanced outside through the window to his right. Calculus was the only class he had that he had an opportunity to sit by a window and see something better then what was being offered inside the room. He wished yet again that he wasn't where he was. 

The scratching of the chalk on the green board was also another sound that was getting to him. The room was so silent. It just made him want to scream sometimes. He turned his attention back to the teacher; Mr. Yamamato. Although the short, balding man looked nice, he wasn't one to contend with a window for his students' attention and would move Inuyasha from his favorite seat if he thought it was needed. 

The teacher spoke but Inuyasha didn't hear. Just a stare at the man was enough to get him to think he was listening. He asked a question and hands raised. Mr. Yamamato pointed at Kagome Higurashi. She sat a few rows in the front and to the left of him. She stood up; their teacher was very anal about answering the question while standing. He couldn't help but think of someone else when he saw her from the back; their hair was almost the same length and the school uniforms did nothing to kill the comparison. 

Kagome Higurashi reminded Inuyasha of Kikyo. 

He didn't want to unfairly cast someone but it was impossible when it came to the two. They almost looked alike except they didn't. It was strange and a little disturbing. But it was enough of a reason for Inuyasha to not talk to the girl. Which was very difficult considering the fact that two of their friends were dating. But Inuyasha did; it was just easier than remembering Kikyo and all of the hurt she caused. 

He had known of Kagome for as long as he knew any of them but that had never changed their status. Inuyasha wouldn't say he didn't like Kagome but then he couldn't say he did. Only just that he didn't know her. 

Miroku had already asked him what he thought of the girl. And Inuyasha's only response was that she looked like Kikyo. He could admit to his self that she was cute but she just looked too much like Kikyo for him to ignore it. In fact he had called her Kikyo's twin on more then one occasion. Miroku had given strict orders never to say it but after Inuyasha had repeatedly kept doing it, he had just warned not to do it around Sango. 

It wasn't fair but then they weren't friends so it was okay in his mind. 

Besides he had seen her enough around school to know that she was like Kikyo. At times when she had been by herself, sitting somewhere around school he had seen the look in her eyes. There was loneliness in her that she never showed; he had seen the trouble etched on her face, the only time he ever saw it openly was when she had gone to the shrine by herself that one day. 

When she spoke to him he could sometimes see the fake interest and boredom. It was usually what he saw but today had been different she had looked at him like she really _saw_ him. Inuyasha didn't really know what that meant.

**

The sound of lockers slamming and students yelling resounded in Inuyasha's ears. He still had a headache from the morning in Calculus. And due to his ailment he was more easily irritated than usual with people this day. 

He had nearly jumped down Miroku's throat during lunch because of some stupid joke he was making about Inuyasha's laziness and nearly yelled at a teacher because, in his opinion, the teacher was being a dick.

He breathed a sigh of relief at the day ending. He could almost go home …and work on the roof. He didn't know if he should be happy or aggravated now when he thought about it. 

The hallways had yet to empty and Inuyasha had to push his way through the crowds of students standing idle in the hallways smacking their gums about some uninteresting school subject. Inuyasha was never really a school person. It was just difficult to think about what to do for a future when his life was mainly planned out already. There were just some things that a person had to do and stick 

with regardless of any real desire to do so.

It didn't matter now anyway, he had to be prepared for kendo practice and couldn't let his mind wonder on things like life. 

Kendo was his favorite activity about school. It was the only one when he had the right to fight with someone. The uniforms and masks got hot and uncomfortable at times but in the end it was worth it. He was one of the best in school. There was just something about the fight that he loved so much. Sometimes it was very angering when he lost which was why he tried to do it as little as he could. 

Practice was held in the school gym for two hours and was really his only escape. Because he was a senior, he took on the right to teach the younger students everything he knew. At times they were annoying but he knew they tried, which he guessed was a good thing. 

Today he would showing the class of 20 a new sparring technique against the only other student as good as him, Lio Naraku. To say Inuyasha didn't like Naraku would be an understatement; it was more like he hated him. 

He didn't hate Naraku because he was an arrogant jerk who thought so much of him self, that he could barely put a hat on his head without breaking it. No. Part of the reason why he hated Naraku was because Naraku was one of the only people able to beat him. It had taken a long time, but Inuyasha had finally said, _only _to him self of course, that Naraku was almost better than him. 

Right now their scores were basically even, with Inuyasha winning the last match. 

Inuyasha wasn't the type of person to be jealous of what others had or even really pay attention to what others had. But not even he could ignore the fact that Naraku had Kikyo; or at least used to have Kikyo, he wasn't that sure on their status right now. He knew people moved on from past relationships; it was just something that happened. But he couldn't get over Kikyo just yet. He didn't know why, he didn't understand why he felt the same about her when it was obvious that she had moved on. But his mind just couldn't forget the way she made him feel. 

There was no reason to fight over Kikyo. She had already made her decision. 

As he stepped into the boys' locker room, he hoped to center his anger in his sword. If he couldn't hurt Naraku in real life he could at least hurt him here. 

**

Kagome casually ate her food. At the moment she wasn't all that interested in the cup of noodles before her. She was too busy staring at the dark hared boy across the food court. 

She was supposed to be finding a gift for Sango. Her birthday was soon, three weeks to be exact, and still Kagome had no idea what to give her best friend of seven years. Really after seven years what was there to give that wasn't expensive? She could get her some clothing but that was so ordinary, Sango would expect more and she herself would too. 

She was scanning stores and window dressing hoping something would pop out. _Maybe I could make her something._ If she saw some shirt in a store she could always sew something like it together; make it better and more cute. Maybe she could get her friend a box of small, colored boomerangs; Sango always did have a thing about the Australian weapon. 

That was what she was _supposed_ to be doing. But not right now, she was too busy. 

He was sitting alone reading a book and eating something. He wasn't far just a couple of tables away. He was close enough that she could see part of his features. Dark brown hair to match his dark eyes while causing his pale skin to stick out. The book was blocking the lower features of his face. He was wearing a school uniform that was dark blue with a gold emblem on the right front pocket. She had never seen him but she knew he didn't attend her school; the boys' uniform at her school was dark blue but with black lettering. 

He looked around her age maybe a year older. He was cute but not too good-looking; like if they were standing together people wouldn't think he was too good-looking for her. 

He looked like a quiet person but not anti-social, he was probably a very nice boy. Maybe she needed someone nice. Kouga had been nice, but this one…he was just so sweet looking. Maybe some quiet, studious boy; someone who wouldn't disrupt her life, and take her to the mall to study was what she wanted. Kagome sighed; _I need to get Sango a present._

Already the thought of Sango and her present was going out her thoughts and the brown haired mystery was in her mind. Kagome stood purse in hand, noodles forgotten and began to walk to a new friend. 


	4. Chapter 3

****

A/N: Not so sure about the Inuyasha/Kagome interaction so feel free to correct. Sorry it took so long …things happen.

****

Difference between Wanting and Needing

Chapter 3 

Hojo Jidai. 

__

Even the name sounds boring. You should have listened to your instincts. But Kagome hadn't which resulted in spending an evening with a boy who could probably find enjoyment out of watching paint dry. The image of the young man in front her immediately sprang up in her mind; him watching a wet bench closely inspecting the crevices as the paint settled and saying excitedly; "Wow did you see that!" 

"Kagome?" a voice said to her curiously, breaking her from her tiny day dream. 

The young girl blinked as she realized she was still on the date with the sweet looking boy she had mistakenly picked up a week ago. She looked up seeing that the two weren't alone but a man wearing dark clothes and a green apron was staring at her expectently. 

"What would you like to drink?" asked the man impatiently at seeing the unspoken question in Kagome's gray eyes. 

"Sprite?" the end of her voice raising an octave as if asking a question still. She didn't really know what she wanted except that she didn't want to be there. The waiter nodded before walking off, getting lost into the crowd of people in the small café. 

Kagome sighed as she stared off after the man; staring into the crowd. The café was a very nice place actually. The scent of baked goods and coffee had permeated everything in the café, down to the clothing of the workers. The place was a favorite of not only Kagome but Sango's as well; she always managed to settle her nerves and frustration within the burgundy and brown setting. 

Usually. 

Today was different though. It would be unfair to call the boy in front of her an idiot, in fact he was very bright considering the fact all his knowledge was about home remedies given to him be his grandmother. He talked about the medicine that could cure almost anything, which if she were a mother would be very helpful. But she wasn't so it was kind of weird. Of course maybe he would stop with the remedies if she would stop with the far off daydream stare and looks that he would sum up to pain but were really products of boredom. 

Kagome looked outside and watched as people moved hurriedly through the threatening sprinkles of rain. It was cloudy and it was going to rain but nothing that should have had people running. A man walked by holding his umbrella as a protective shield against the droplets. She didn't understand why people were so averse to getting wet. She didn't like getting soaked either but it wasn't like the rain was acid or anything. A girl walked by umbrella in hand but unlike the man, she would move her umbrella aside to taste the sky. 

For some reason that girl reminded her of a time when she did the exact same thing only it was with her father. 

__

Stop it.

Her mind switched gears to the situation at hand. _I can't believe I said yes…again._ It was the same thought that had been plaguing her for the past two dates. _Two dates…_ the statement ran across her mind and Kagome couldn't help but congratulate her self on her own patience. Normally, someone like Hojo would be a one-date affair; too boring to really go after. 

It was just after a date he would ask to see her again and it was beyond her to say no to someone so sweet looking…so _innocent_. So she would say yes and see his eye light up and the smile on his face. She would promise to call him when she found the time and she did call him because her mother always told her liars were the worst types of people. Kagome liked to believe that she was better than the worst type of people. 

When another tired sigh passed through her lips; the sweet boy asked with a creased forehead and knit eyebrows; "Are you okay?" 

Kagome just shook her head, a small wave of relief flooding her. "It's just …Hojo, I'm so tired suddenly." She said feigning sleepiness and putting her hand to her forehead. 

He was so caring. 

He nodded in agreement; "You have been seeming tired whenever we go out." He was already standing up and walking to her side to pull out her chair for her before he even said; "Maybe I should take you home. Rest is best to feel better." 

Kagome stood holding the tiny smile to herself. She knew it was wrong to be pretending but she didn't if she could take another second with Hojo. He was a gentleman though, pulling out her seat for her, paying for the drinks even though they hadn't even gotten them yet and tipping the waiter very well for work he never did. 

__

He could do so much better. A girl who actually looks for this type of stuff. 

Walking outside, Kagome took another glance to the sky. It was darker than she had seen inside the store and she slightly wondered if she would get home before the lightening started. 

Hojo looked up at the sky trying to see what she did but instead of saying something about getting out of the rain or how to heal a cold sore he said; "You're eyes are the color of the sky." 

Kagome would have rolled her eyes at the statement if it weren't true. She wouldn't have admitted it out loud but the clueless wonder beside her was right. The clearness was there that she say every day in the mirror; but she couldn't help but realize that it bothered her. 

She quickly turned her eyes to the gray cement below her. _is there no color here?_ She needed something with color, something different. 

"Do you wanna do something later this week?" the boy beside her asked suddenly breaking her train of thought. She realized they weren't in front of the café anymore but walking to the metro a few blocks down. They had walked the entire time in silence; that wasn't very good. Like she had already discovered in the time with him she thought a lot more about things that were better pushed aside. In silence it was easier to reflect. 

Where was that sudden car accident to take everyone's attention away at that moment? Obviously not at their corner. She looked over to the boy looking down at his shoes; too shy to ask her eye to eye. So sweet but not what she wanted. 

"Hojo…I'm not quite sure about this thing we have."

++++++

Kagome idly walked on the sidewalk eyes transfixed on the gray cement becoming quickly speckled with raindrops. Connecting the dots, Kagome tried forgetting Hojo. 

"Such a failure." She whispered, about herself or the date, she unconsciously refused to answer. Another date, another person who couldn't give her whatever the hell it was she was looking for. 

__

What's wrong with you Kagome? When had the void inside her spread? Why was it she could see a problem inside her but didn't have it in her to care enough to fix it? She shook her head, still glaring at the slowly darkening cement; _there's nothing wrong, you just haven't found a guy with something that you really like._ Her mind unconsciously going through a list of names and faces, all with great attributes none with the prize she felt someone special would have. 

The confused girl shook her head again at her train of thought. _Stop Kagome you sound like all those other lovesick morons at school. Just have fun while you can. _How many times had her mother told her youth was wasted on the young and the like? She wasn't about to waste away what youth she did have on pining away for a boy who, for all she knew, didn't even exist. 

__

PING PING

The echoing noise of something hitting metal sailed through the silence of the tree-lined streets. Kagome raised her head and realized just what the raucous was. It was Inuyasha, hammering away at something on the black iron-wrought gates of the shrine. 

She didn't normally like being near the shrine. In fact she mildly surprised that she had even walked in the direction of the shrine in the first place. The old place wasn't far from her house. But at some point in her life, Kagome had began to see the shrine as a place that did nothing for peoples prayers and only as a stop for the foreigners during spring and summer. 

She should have turned around, she knew that she had absolutely nothing in common with the guy she was staring at; he was friends with Miroku and Sango, not her. But she didn't. There it was again; this damn feeling that maybe she should ignore her head. It didn't matter though, her body was doing it for her; step by step her feet carried her the block or so over to the figure. 

He was still banging away at the gate. The pinging becoming nearly unbearable, vibrating through her body, the closer she got. A look of angry concentration was plastered on his face and strips of his midnight hair clung to the sides of his head. She took another glance towards the sky. The clouds looked ready to over pour but held back trembling full causing fat drops to splat occasionally. The sky was just waiting of course for the perfect moment to drop everything. 

She turned her attention back to the handyman in front of her; "Inuyasha?" she asked in between the steady pinging rhythm. 

He looked over to her but didn't stop hammering; "Hey Kagome." He said loudly over the noise. Well he never was that talkative at school, why would that change once the bell rang?

"What are you fixing?" she asked stepping over the red toolbox on his right side and getting a better look. 

"The address sign." She could tell he was hitting with the hammer as hard as possible with the small grunt that ended his answer. 

She stared at the number sign before realizing something. "But you're messing up the numbers." She said while looking up at him. 

The steady beat finally halted with her statement. He just stared at his project for a moment before saying with a slight shrug; "I know." _PING PING_ The answer he gave had been enough for him to continue his work but not enough for Kagome. 

Did Inuyasha not want people coming around the shrine? She supposed that was understandable. Strangers always hanging around your property, messing up everything that you would probably have to clean up later by yourself. The noise and questions form people and having to always be nice and cheerful. If it was her she would have probably left home by now. 

Speaking over the racket he was still producing, Kagome asked lamely; "So did you do the calculus homework?" she didn't know what he liked, so talking about school seemed a safe subject. Although she couldn't believe how stupid she sounded saying it. 

"We had homework?" he replied finally dropping the hammer to the ground between them and looking at her in confusion, almost like he didn't know what calculus was. 

Kagome nodded a smile spreading across her lips; "Over infinitive integers." 

He was silent for a moment before asking a question that completely threw off Kagome. "Kagome why are you here?"

The girl stopped at his answer, a bit surprised by its forwardness. "Why not?"

"Because you've only been here once before. So why now?" 

She shrugged pulling out an answer from the top of her head, since she didn't really know why she was there either. "I don't know, I saw you and I thought maybe you would want some company." 

"I'm fine Kagome. Go finish you're whatever it was you were doing." He said bending down to pick through the red toolbox. 

Kagome's brows furrowed at that answer; she was just trying to be nice and she voiced that reason. "I'm just trying to be nice and you blow me off. No wonder you don't have many friends." 

He looked up at her, his violet eyes and his voice showing his irritation for her. "What do you know about me?"

That stopped Kagome from plowing forward into an argument with him. "Not that much…"

"Yea. That's what I thought." The sarcasm dripping from his voice.

"So then why won't you talk to me and then I will know you."

He just shook his head at her suggestion. 

"What's wrong with having another friend? It just means you're less lonely."

"Who said I was lonely?" his voice was growing more impatient to get the girl away from him. Although she had given him a reason why she was there in the first place, he hadn't excepted. He had altogether stopped going through the box and had already stood up to face her. 

Kagome put her hands on her hips and slightly raised her voice at the ignorant boy in front her. _What was wrong with another friend?_ "No Inuyasha you're not getting it. What's wrong with having one more person to talk to?"

"No. It's not about having another person to talk to. It's the fact that I don't want to talk to you." 

That stopped both of the teenagers. Inuyasha because although he didn't necessarily like the girl in front of him he hadn't meant for his words to come out like that; all he wanted was for her to leave him alone. No one had ever said anything like that to Kagome and no matter how hard she tried to not let guys effect her she had to admit that that hurt. 

Kagome's expression lost its angry stance and turned to something blank. She didn't want him to know he had upset her. She took a breath to calm herself. She didn't usually get all _upset_ with things concerning guys. 

"OK then." She said slowly already moving her feet to turn around. _I knew I shouldn't have come here._ "I'll just go home." 

"Wait." Said a very irritated voice. 

Kagome looked back to Inuyasha who seemed to be at a tiny war with his self. 

"I'm sorry." His voice sounded like it was apologizing even though it didn't really want to; his eyes just looked bored. "I just have to deal with this stupid shrine and I'm tired and-"

"Do you like it?" Kagome suddenly asked breaking off his "apology". He said sorry she was okay with that for now since he didn't seem like he wanted to do it anyway in the first place. 

"What?" He saw her motion with her head towards the shrine. "It's fine I guess. I'm just used to it." 

"Oh." That wasn't necessarily the answer Kagome had been going for. She really wanted know what would make a person want to live in a shrine. She had been hoping that Inuyasha could have given her more of a real answer; like he loved it because it gave him something like security or peace anything but …he was used to it. "Are you going to stay after graduation?"

"No. I can't." he said turning his attention to the sky. 

That was an odd answer. "What do you—"

"I think it's time to go back inside." He interrupted looking at her and then bending to drop all the tools on the pavement into the toolbox at their feet. 

Kagome also looked up. The sky was stormier now looking like it was very angry and it wasn't until he said something that she noticed the little droplets gathering on her bare arms. "Yea I guess. I'll just see you later." 

He just nodded at her stilling putting things away, "Bye."

Kagome turned away and started for her house. She had to admit that was the most confusing conversation she had had in a very long time. 

++++++

"I talked to Inuyasha today." Kagome said nonchalantly as she picked through the old stuffy hallway closet. She didn't normally go through the closet; it was smelly and she swore there were _things_ living in it. But her mother _was_ always complaining about it needing a good cleaning and no was home and Kagome was slightly bored so… she was doing the daughterly thing and helping her mother out. 

"And?" Sango asked her voice not sounding the least bit interested. Kagome knew she was listening though she was just waiting for some type of "news". 

"Oh nothing." Kagome grunted pulling out an old carboardbox that had seen better days. "It's just you know we never talked before."

"Yes you have-"

"No Sango. Not really. I'm your friend and Inuyasha's Miroku's friend but me and him aren't." she ended the statement with a sneeze as dust puffed up in the air as she opened the tattered box. 

"Well why don't you be his friend Kagome?" 

"It didn't seem like he wanted to be my friend." Kagome said distractedly as she pulled out worn knick knacks her mother never threw out. The young girl swore her mother was a pack rat sometimes; the women refused to get rid of anything. _Who needs a statue of a dirty green monkey that's missing its tail?_

"Kagome are you listening?" 

"Huh? Oh sorry Sango. It's just I'm tryna clean this old closest…" her voice died though as she pulled out an old weathered brown leather book. 

"Inuyasha isn't that much of a jerk as he seems." Sango began thinking her friend was listening. 

"Uh huh…" Kagome said absently she was trying to remember why she didn't remember the book in her lap. Her fingers traced over the outline of her family name. 

"Kagome?" 

Kagome blinked back her thoughts and put her attention on the phone. Trying to keep any emotion but happiness from her voice, she cleared her throat and said; "Can I call you back Sango? My mom wanted me to finish this before she got home." 

So her mother didn't even know she was doing it. It didn't mean Sango had to know. Besides now she doubted she would even get close to finishing anything. 

Hanging up the phone after saying goodbye, Kagome put the old box back in the closet and carried the book with to her room.

Sitting on the floor in her room, Kagome couldn't help but remember when she had found the old shoebox at the back of her mother's closet. She had don't the exact same thing and carried it to her room. 

Hanging up the phone after saying goodbye, Kagome put the old box back in the closet and carried the book with to her room.

Sitting on the floor in her room, Kagome couldn't help but remember when she had found the old shoebox at the back of her mother's closet. She had done the exact same thing and carried it to her room. 

She opened the book and had to hold back the small cough from more dust of memories forgotten. The reason _why _the memories were left out with the rows of others in the living room was not a thought on her head. 

__

Papa…

Kagome looked down at the spread of dusty yellowed photos. Each one a single memory she never knew existed. The pictures were before she was even born; her mother and father hugging, laughing being alive; the exact opposite of today. 

Pictures of them on vacations and at dinner parties…things her mother hadn't done in years. Her mother only went to work and sometimes out with other friends but her family hadn't really gotten away to relax since she was twelve. _I wish things had been different…_

Internally, Kagome felt herself sigh and turn her attention back to the photos before anger and sadness could grip her. 

She turned another page and their she was; a baby Kagome. Her father was holding her looking so happy while her mother looked exhausted but also grateful. _My mother always calls me difficult…I guess she means it started from the very beginning._

She turned the page and wiped the dust from the page ignoring the small lump in her throat forming. _I don't understand why it had to be life this. You shouldn't have left. If you hadn't gone with her…_

She shook her head. She had promised long ago that she wouldn't be angry with her father. There was no point he was dead. It wasn't like he could do anything about her anger; talk to her, spend time with her. Be there for her. The images before were blurry before Kagome realized she could hear the small patter of teardrops hitting plastic. She turned the page again and had to wipe the tears from her eyes to be sure she was seeing correctly. 

There _She_ was sitting with her father and mother. Mrs. Kawasake. Laughing with them like she _deserved_ to be there with them. She was sitting at a table with her parents. Kagome didn't recognize the setting on that it was someone's home. 

But she did recognize the two little girls playing with dolls in front of the table; ignoring the adult raucous above them. 

Her and Kikyo. 

Kagome angrily shut the photo book and pushed it underneath her bed. She put her knees to her chest and buried her head. She stomped on each sob that threatened to escape her throat but couldn't stop the hot tears slipping through her shut eyelids. 

__

Why did you leave with her?

Why did you love her more than mom?

If you hadn't everything would have been different. 

Our family would have been happy..

You would still be alive. 

We would be alive. 

*****

****

A/N: so what do you think? This hasn't been through a beta. Anyway feel free to tear this things apart. This is the second version the first having died with my computer months ago. So I actually don't like this…except for the last part. Anyway rip away all comments and crits wanted and appreciated. 


	5. Chapter 4

A/N:Any comments suggestions crits welcomed and wanted. EVEN flames REALLY!! Just tell me what you think. I feel like this chapter is too weak but it's needed.   
  
**Difference between Wanting and Needing ****  
Chapter 4**   
  
Sometimes waking up was the hardest thing Kagome ever had to do.   
  
Waking up meant blinking into a blinding sunlight because she forgot to close her blinds from the night before. Golden warmth had flooded her room and only helped her to close her eyes again. Rolling over to face the wall of her bedroom, she burrowed farther into the warm cocoon she had created with her soft pink bedding. The lighted darkness her blankets gave her allowed the time for her eyes to adjust and her mind to remember just exactly where she was.   
  
Just as she was regaining the ability to think clearly without any fuzz her door burst open and her brother yelled, "KAGOME GET UP!" before promptly slamming the door close again just to make sure she heard him.   
  
A muffled groan could be heard escaping the soft fortress from the bed. She really didn't feel like going to school at the moment. She had trouble sleeping all night. No position or number of pillows helping her get comfortable. Her mind had kept on remembering the stupid book she had found. Putting her in a decidedly bad mood for the night and today. The last thing she could remember before sleep finally claimed her was looking outside and seeing just how pretty the fading night could be.   
  
Sighing, Kagome forced a surge of energy in her lazy body and sat up quickly. She glanced at the clock be her bed and saw it was 6:30. Great. Not only was she sleep-deprived she would have to hurry to be on time for Sango. Putting her feet to the cream-colored carpet, she stepped on exactly what had caused her to be so restless. Looking down, Kagome couldn't help the small annoyance to trickle into her.   
  
There just wasn't any time to pity herself.   
  
With a small huff, Kagome pushed the book completely out of sight under her. Getting up and searching for the pieces of her uniform, Kagome let herself stop thinking about the tiny piece of life she would rather forget.   
  
Shutting another drawer in slight frustration from not finding any socks, a picture frame toppled from its place and to the floor. Kagome picked it up hoping it hadn't broken. She had received the frame as a gift from Sango for her 15th birthday. It had tiny shells on it and the outline of mermaids on the sides; at the bottom in big block letters it said FRIENDS FOREVER in English.   
  
The picture though wasn't of just her and Sango, instead it also included Miroku and Inuyasha. A sour note hit Kagome as she thought of Inuyasha. Their conversation yesterday had done nothing to help her day. She really had no idea what his problem was, but it did make her realize just how much she didn't know about him. All he had been was Inuyasha Mitsumari as long as she could remember.   
  
She remembered his impatience and bossiness, exact reasons why she had never enjoyed being around him when they were younger.   
  
Kagome didn't understand why though she was so separated from someone who had been in her life for so long. Sure she wasn't as close to Miroku as Sango but Kagome chalked that up to the fact Miroku wasn't a girl.   
  
Inuyasha though it seemed like he was there in her life but more in the background. Maybe she was that oblivious when she was younger. Maybe she had just considered him a friend because he was there. But that didn't really mean anything.   
  
Kagome couldn't help but wonder about Inuyasha.   
  
_He said he didn't want to talk to me. _  
  
Had she really done something so bad to him? Maybe her ignoring him was worse than her being mean. She placed the picture back down and leaned against the chest of drawers. She suddenly felt very bad and she didn't want to think that maybe it was because of Inuyasha.   
  
She would have thought about it more and sunk deeper into her thoughts if the house phone hadn't started ringing. Kagome didn't answer it though because if it was for her they would have called her cell phone. Shaking her head, she looked at the clock and realized she had just lost twenty minutes thinking about someone who probably would prefer her not to talk to him ever again.   
  
_I'm not gonna make it for Sango._   
  
With a small sigh, Kagome picked up her cell phone and dialed her friend's number form memory. Sango probably would not be happy with her, Kagome had a habit of being late and Sango said she would take it upon herself to change that habit.   
  
On the third ring Sango finally answered.   
  
"Sango don't come by, I'm not ready. You can go without me."

* * *

"Inuyasha you should really learn to apply yourself."   
  
"Yea Myouga" said Inuyasha absently as he searched in the refrigerator for something more to eat than ketchup and milk. Right then he decided to go grocery shopping after school. Myouga was sitting at the kitchen table sipping coffee as he read through the newspaper.   
  
"You have a lot of potential to do so many things."   
  
Inuyasha just grunted a response as he shifted his attention to the freezer. Maybe he could microwave something.   
  
"I don't understand why you can't do better when you're able to."   
  
Instead of responding Inuyasha just rolled his eyes and tried to look through the ice for something edible. This was how the day usually started for Inuyasha. Myouga talking about his potential and how much more he could be. The old man was never home and when he was, it meant a lecture for Inuyasha. So it was only reasonable for Inuyasha to want the man gone.   
  
Myouga had been a friend of the family since before Inuyasha was born and he had taken care of him since his mother died. Myouga didn't have a family of his own nor was he married. So Inuyasha couldn't really blame him for not knowing what to do.   
  
It wasn't that Inuyasha was ungrateful or not appreciative of the job the old man did that his brother refused to do; it was just that Myouga wasn't a very good caretaker. That could be seen from the array of scars from cuts that probably wouldn't have happened if Inuyasha hadn't been able to do as he pleased when he was so young. A broken arm from falling out of a tree, a broken finger from a skating accident, and a sprained ankle from running down stairs had taught Inuyasha how to be careful…and how to fall correctly.   
  
"Are you listening Inuyasha?"   
  
The teen just nodded as he shut the freezer. "Yea I know I have potential and I'm smart I have to stop doing stupid things." He answered thinking about what to eat. He would just have to stop by a pastry shop when he went to the station.   
  
There was a rustle of paper as Myouga put down the newspaper. In indignation, Myouga said sharply, "You aren't listening! I said you're going to be late for school."   
  
That got Inuyasha's attention. His eyes twitched to the kitchen clock and he saw that he had only 10 minutes to catch the train. That would be fine if he wasn't 15 minutes from the train station. With a silent curse, he grabbed his jacket and book bag and ran out the door. He could hear the fading echo of Myouga yelling; "Do good in school!" behind him. 

  
  
Inuyasha should have known the universe was trying to fuck with him.   
  
That could be the only explanation as to why Kagome Higurashi was in his sight throughout most of the day. Inuyasha had never paid much attention to the girl, but after yesterday it was almost impossible to get away from her.   
  
He should know he had tried.   
  
_Example 1: The train station._   
  
The train station in the morning was like a polite race. No pushing or shoving but swiftly walking and clever dodging to get into the train compartment. Morning meant being squished like sardines into each compartment of the train. He hadn't had time to buy anything to eat from a shop but it didn't really matter since it wasn't like he would have any room to eat anyway. Each compartment of the train was made to seat 30 people, an extra 15 because of the plastic rungs hanging from the ceiling. That meant 45 people in all.   
  
Right now there was at least 65 people in his compartment at the moment.   
  
Inuyasha looked outside and watched the man dressed in the nice navy suit and white hat and gloves push another person in and then wave with a tight bow as the doors shut tightly and train took off. This wasn't odd and Inuyasha was very used to this; having neither personal space nor the ability to move without backing into someone.   
  
But today he did mind the cramped quarters and the overstuffed compartment because at the moment he was pushed up against Kagome.   
  
Sure there were times where they had ridden together to school but Sango or even Miroku were usually there to talk to. They hadn't been alone together. Being alone was like signing a contract to silence. He didn't want to talk to her, not after yesterday. In fact he had tried very unsuccessfully to not think about this girl who he knew would cause trouble for him in his life.   
  
Of course she would be trouble; he had learned any girl was trouble.   
  
Normally, Inuyasha was the type of person so enjoy his ride to school. If not for the fact that he wasn't in school than the quiet hum of the rail as it lulled him into semi-consciousness. He couldn't relax with her just standing there right beside him just… _sucking_ up all his air. She hadn't said much to him but a simple Hi that he returned. For nearly twelve minutes they didn't look at one another but where well aware of the other's presence.   
  
And when a seat opened up beside him, instead of sitting down himself he offered it to her. Not because he was being a gentleman but because it meant that he would have enough room to maneuver himself away from her. And that was how he left her, sitting in between two strangers her eyes twitching in his direction as he tried his best to ignore her.   
  
He incorrectly thought that would be his last encounter with the girl alone.   
  
_Example 2: The walk to school._   
  
The young man had forgotten the five-minute walk to school.   
  
After getting out the tiny ant hill that was called the train station, Inuyasha was walking to school pretty relaxed until he realized someone was behind him. Without even looking behind him he knew it was Kagome. It had to be. If it weren't…well then it wouldn't be his life.   
  
It would be ridiculous to walk to school separately; they knew each other not to mention the trouble he could get into with Sango and Miroku for being mean and (their words) 'anti-social'. He slowed down his walk, letting her catch up to him. It wasn't like they could have some long talk anyway. The school was already in sight and then they would be on their way to class. They may have had the same class but at least they didn't sit together.   
  
After yesterday his view of Kagome had changed little. She still was like Kikyo in the since that she was hiding something. That the sunny exterior was just that a façade and underneath that the real person that she was. Her questions had gotten to him more than he had let on at first. He didn't understand why all of sudden she wanted to be in his life. They had known each other since they were fourteen but he really didn't have a problem with the way things were right now.   
  
She was silent at first not looking at him but at the cement as they treaded towards school. But then her voice crept through to him like a small breeze. "I-I am sorry about yesterday Inuyasha."   
  
That surprised him. He turned to stare at her incredulously. "What is there to apologize about?"   
  
She finally looked at him stopping in her tracks. "I just thought I upset you and…"   
  
"Well you didn't so forget it." Inuyasha broke in gruffly, shaking his head. "Nothing's changed." He added stopping waiting for her to start walking again.   
  
Her eyes seemed to fall at that. "Oh." She said the disappointment creeping in her voice as she began walking beside him again.   
  
Her reaction wasn't something Inuyasha had been ready for and it just made him wonder just what was wrong with what he said.   
  
_Example 3: Calculus class._   
  
"I'm putting you too together because Inuyasha you are very weak in Calculus and Kagome has done very good in the class." Said Mr. Yamamoto very matter-of-factly.   
  
That was what had greeted the pair when they stepped into their Calculus class. People sitting in pairs bent over books talking about math or other topics that had nothing to do with numbers. And their teacher starring at them and looking like he was the smartest man on earth.   
  
They were partners. They had to sit together. They had to talk to each other…at least for that class period. The project was small and could be done in one period if the air worked hard enough.   
  
So they worked very diligently. Inuyasha silently hoping to be done by the bell. Kagome wasn't as good in math as the teacher had let on though. He had many of the things figured out before she did. Maybe this was his clue that he should actually try in class. He might not have been the situation if he had worked a little harder and showed the teacher he had an idea of what was going on.   
  
They didn't finish…of course.   
  
He had asked her to come over to his house as more of a strategic move. Being at his place meant he would be more relaxed and not deal with Kagome's mom or her brother. He didn't quite understand the look that crossed her eyes when he had asked.   
  
But do you understand why Inuyasha thought the universe was waving a big FUCK YOU sign at him?   


* * *

The sky was as gray as soapstone. It drenched the clouds and dimmed everything; grass seemed that less green and trees that more unwelcoming. Kagome had been standing in front of the shrine gates for five minutes motionless. Staring into nothingness too absorbed in thoughts and memories better left unrealized. She hadn't stepped inside the shrine grounds since she was just a child. Foolish enough to believe the things her mother told her about fate and faith. When the world was just so much more simple because –it just was.   
  
_Please bring back my dad. My mom is so sad…_   
  
She remembered her whispered prayers. She heard word as if the wind carried them now.   
  
_Why did he have to go?…_   
  
And Kagome remembered the unrelenting silence that followed each plea. She ran her hand across her face wiping invisible tears and erasing the desperate frown scrawled across her lips.   
  
_I should have offered my place instead. _  
  
Kagome had thought of asking Inuyasha if her place was okay but the only thing that she had said was okay. Maybe she had said she was okay with it because she knew she would end up just like this. Facing something that had far too much control over her. This shrine and what it stood for.   
  
Kagome had always seen herself and her mother as pretty good people. But she was missing a father and her mother went to sleep alone in bed she had received as a wedding gift. And Kikyo had her mother and father who reconciled after—   
  
When Kagome understood what hate was, she had tried very hard to not hate Kikyo and her family. But she realized she couldn't every time she saw Kikyo strolling down the hallways. She understood how far her malice was when Kikyo smiled or laughed.   
  
Maybe she wasn't as good a person as she thought.   
  
"Kagome."   
  
The young girl whirled around surprised. "Oh Hi Inuyasha. I guess I didn't hear you." She said lamely.   
  
He starred at her a bit before walking around her and opening the gates. "Sorry I'm late. Practice went late."   
  
"No no it's okay I just got here." She said trying to hide the nervousness she felt.   
  
Kagome followed him through the grounds. Little memories were springing upon her. There little group would come here often for the fact that many times Inuyasha didn't have a parent around. The house itself was very modest and looked like any other ordinary house. There were tools lying everywhere and boxes full of stuff like wood or sheets of metal. Walking in, Kagome couldn't help the tiny reenactments of memories that started.   
  
Inuyasha chasing Miroku around the house. Them falling down the stairs and landing in a heap. Her and Sango laughing at them and drinking soda at the kitchen table.   
  
Sitting at the tiny kitchen table Kagome couldn't quite believe she knew nothing about the boy sitting across from her and opening his textbook. He had looked the same as long as she could remember with hair as black as midnight and eyes the same way. She glanced around, looking over to the connecting living room as Inuyasha searched through his backpack for a pencil not noticing the fleeting emotions in Kagome's eyes. Her gaze landed on the big family picture over the mantle. It was obvious who they were except for the boy who had hair so blonde it looked almost white. She remembered seeing this picture so many times but it never really occurred to her who he was. And the little Inuyasha in the portrait looked like a remnant of the person sitting across from her now.   
  
"Kagome?"   
  
"Huh?" Kagome asked her eyes dropping to Inuyasha and realizing she was staring far too hard at the portrait.   
  
"Are you ready to work?" he asked a shadow of a frown on his lips.   
  
"Uh- Yea. Sorry." Kagome blubbered as she dug through her bag for supplies.   
  
That was how the rest of the hour went. Silence only broken by the periodical question and answer.   
  
"So you really like Calculus?" Inuyasha asked suddenly breaking the silence. He was starring at her, almost in awe at the concentration she was putting into the work.   
  
"No." she said absently shaking her head. "I really hate math." She jotted down another equation to do.   
  
"Then why do it?"   
  
That got her to stop writing and look up at him. She was quiet for a moment before shrugging and saying, "Because it's just something I'm supposed to do. You don't seem to like the class much either."   
  
Inuyasha simply shrugged at the statement, leaning back in his chair. "Mr. Yamamoto gave me a good window seat."   
  
They were silent for a while doing homework before Kagome spoke without looking at him. "You know it's like people expect things and then you get stuck …in that mold. And not doing something just disappoints them." She dropped her pencil to look up into his eyes. "I don't have any expectations of you Inuyasha. Whatever you do that's who you are." She said while realizing the depth that his eyes held.   
  
He seemed to think over her words before saying, "It's better that way isn't it?"   
  
"Yea…yea it is." Kagome answered nodding her head. A genuine smile popped up. "I think Inuyasha we should get to know each other better. We are with each other so much."   
  
He simply nodded thinking about her words. Kagome turned back to her work a small smile on her lips. Inuyasha thought maybe he could give Kagome a chance. That his own expectations and assumptions of her where what was keeping him from really knowing her.

* * *

This chapter may seem boring but it's REALLY needed for the turning piont of the story which is the next chapter. I'm already half-way done so no waiting 2 months for another update. Also I don't tend to do this but could ppl let me kno if they are still reading this? One will do just want to be sure THANKS!


	6. Chapter 5

****

**A/N:** Quick aint it? I would like to say thanks for reading and the reviews and also is this kiss natural? I mean the whole scene between Inu and Kag does it seem like it's flowing. I don't want to just throw them together. I want it to seem as natural as possible.

OK Lemme say that this story is supposed to be about what happens AFTER they get together. If this was about just a hookup story I wouldn't get them together until chapter 12 or something. I didn't want to use the lame school project to get them together but this story was supposed to be only 10 chapters…now its 15.  
  
**Reminder**: Naraku's first name in this is Lio.   
  
**Difference between Wanting and Needing ****  
  
Chapter 5**   
  
Kagome was late at the moment.   
  
She was supposed to be at Sango's at six, but due to extreme bouts of laziness the clock was ticking close to nine by the time that she set foot on her friend's doorstep.   
  
Kagome really hadn't meant to be so late. She had meant to go Sango's early and help string twinkling lights around the first floor and get out cups and pick music. She had wanted to watch Inuyasha mutter and curse as he helped Miroku move furniture. This was a tradition; they did this almost every year for Sango. She was supposed to help Sango pick something out to wear and listen to Miroku admire her figure while Inuyasha sat in a corner and complained some more.   
  
But she had decided to not go.   
  
It was really okay. Sango didn't need her help to pick music or string lights; Inuyasha or Miroku could do that. And picking out something to wear was really easy for Sango but the principle of the fact was that Kagome was supposed to be there and she wasn't. And Sango was not about to forget that.   
  
Her friend had called her nearly five times in the three hours that she was missing. But Kagome just couldn't get the will to pick up the phone. She didn't want to go to some party. Things just weren't the way they were supposed to be.   
  
She had dreamed of her father that afternoon.   
  
Well Kagome never saw the man's face but it was her father she had _felt _it. She had been so small in her dream but even then she wasn't happy, like she just knew something bad was about to happen to the man she had called daddy. If it was a premonition it was damn late. No in the dream she had been playing with him and she felt it that small slip of joy that had been hidden from her soul for such a very long time. But it didn't last long and before she knew it he was bleeding, the red thick liquid dripping from his veins, puddling on the floor at his feet and hers. But that look on his face, it was more than an impression than actually seeing it, like Kagome saw it in her heart more than with her eyes. The sadness of an aged man who knew the mistakes he had made and realized that the privilege to have time to correct those mistakes was exactly that: a privilege.   
  
Words never spoken, places never seen and people never known. Kagome always thought about what her father saw before the blood had seeped from his body leaving him dry. Were the echoes of screams the last thing he heard? Was his last sight a woman that he truly loved or an infatuation? An infatuation strong enough to pull his family apart…   
  
Kagome shook her head as she held the large gift box in one hand and rang the doorbell with the other. She pasted a smile on her lips and tried to brighten her eyes.   
  
Sango didn't need to know on her birthday. Kagome always did her best at keeping her father in the past when her friends were in view. Sango was there when he left albeit too young to really understand the repercussions just like Kagome. When he died, they understood death but the sadness was nearly numbed within Kagome. She had felt that her father really wasn't dead and that it was just a stranger who had similarities to her father.   
  
Someone answered the door that Kagome didn't know but she said Hello anyway and walked through the door not wanting to feel the near desperate sadness pumping her heart.   
  
Bodies were everywhere as Kagome tried her best to trudge through the thick air of hormones and sweat. Music thumping causing the shake of the floor as she dodged beer cans and plastic cups full of other mysterious liquids. People were bumping into her and her present making little dents at the places she squeezed the thin white cardboard too tightly. A few people were saying hello as she passed them by her only return being a simple nod or smile.   
  
She wasn't in the mood to deal with a lot of people at the moment. But it wasn't like she could drop off her gift and leave. Sitting the box down on the dining room table by the other presents, Kagome quickly got a soda and went hunting for Sango.

* * *

After going around the floor with people and dancing around, Kagome was very tired. Not being in the mood to really party in the first place had made it slow for her to get into the spirit of things; mainly by the assistance of alcoholic drinks. That hadn't lasted long though and before she knew it she was telling Sango that she was going to take a nap in her bedroom.   
  
She held her tight smile as she finally passed the last of the thrumming bodies and climbed the steps onto the quieter and off-limits second floor. The lights were dimmer than downstairs and the quiet surrounded her as she opened the door that was to Sango's bedroom.   
  
"Oh. Hi Inuyasha." Kagome said surprised. She hadn't expected him to be in here. He seemed to be just sitting on the bed doing nothing but staring at the ground, rolling a can of something between his hands. It wasn't odd that Inuyasha disappeared during a party. She remembered the past times of Miroku or Sango asking her if they had seen the dark hared boy around. Inuyasha had a habit of leaving without telling anyone sometimes coming back, sometimes not.   
  
"Hey Kagome." He said looking up and giving her a weary smile. She knew how he felt; she wasn't in the mood to be around people either. While many of the people were her friends she just didn't feel like entertaining anyone. 

It had been two weeks since the calculus project and Kagome thought her and Inuyasha's friendship was coming along very nicely. Kagome had decided that she and Inuyasha were going to spend more time together. Of course Kagome had never asked for Inuyasha's input on the issue, realizing that he would be fine with just speaking occasionally during passing periods and when they were grouped with Sango and Miroku.

She had taken the initiative by showing up at the shrine gate talk walk with him to school. At first he seemed very confused by the gesture but about a week into it, he had begun to wait outside the gates for her on the excuse that Myouga was looking at him "funny" when he saw Kagome showing up.

It wasn't like they were the best of friends or anything. They argued…a lot to the point that Sango would ask Kagome why she felt so compelled to spend time with someone she couldn't stand. Kagome had given the excuse that in the end she and Inuyasha becoming better friends would be good for the group as a whole. And she meant it. For some reason when the sun raised it was like a whole new chance to change, a chance to get to know Inuyasha better; besides Kagome could never stay mad at Inuyasha that long. She wanted Inuyasha as a friend. She needed one.

She had learned a lot about him in the two weeks. What he liked in food. What he didn't like in people. The fact that he was better in math than anyone ever gave him credit for; something that happened in other subjects as well. He hated being wrong in any argument but still apologized to her even though Kagome could see how much he didn't want to sometimes. She learned just how good he was in kendo, when she watched him with Sango during practice. It was very nice just being friends.

But she couldn't stop the trickling of feelings in the back of her mind. Kagome liked Inuyasha. Genuinely liked. She had never _liked _someone as much as Inuyasha. For all their differences they seemed to have some common balance that logic just couldn't explain. This difference and this ability to like him so much sincerely worried Kagome a bit. Inuyasha was different. He wasn't just some guy that Sango and Miroku didn't know even existed; he was there friend too. Kagome knew there was no way to just _leave _him like other guys she had met.

She walked over and sat beside him, her arm touching his. "Are you having fun?" she asked lamely as she tried very hard not to concentrate of the tiny hairs of his arm against her skin.   
  
He just shrugged, his smile disappearing from his face. "Yea I'm just tired ya know?"   
  
Kagome nodded and gave her best smile as she stared into his eyes. That was one thing she realized she loved so much about him, at least physically, his eyes. They weren't just black, they were a dark violet so dark it appeared just black to the untrained eye. In fact Kagome had thought they were just that but after looking at them, into them for so much she saw the difference. Because they weren't just black, they appeared lighter and he just looked even more beautiful because of it.   
  
"Then why did you come?" she asked leaning closer. It seemed to be some private moment between them.   
  
"It's Sango's birthday. I have to, she wouldn't forgive me if I didn't." he said while putting the can of whatever on the floor by their feet.   
  
Kagome nodded in understanding. He was right, Sango had a think about birthdays; a person must come and the only way out would be to be in the hospital and even then it might be hard to get out of it.   
  
Kagome got up and walking over to a picture on the dresser to the right of the bed. It was a picture of her and Sango on her 10th birthday. There was a banner behind them printed in red writing shouting Happy Birthday Sango and there was a smile on each of their faces, not to mention cake.   
  
She turned still holding the picture and smiled at Inuyasha, remembering a past birthday, she said absently; "I remember when I had to get my appendix out, Sango was so sad because she didn't want me to miss her birthday. I made my mom get out of the hospital early just to go to her party, I didn't even have a gift but she didn't care. She said me being there was good enough for her."   
  
Inuyasha nodded his head and smiled back at her. She wondered what was going on, she couldn't help it. He was never really one for talking a lot, but being completely silent with her wasn't his thing either.   
  
Kagome put the picture back down and went to sit down again by Inuyasha, only this time she sat closer. Subtlety was a gift sometimes.   
  
He was so near. The scent of his cologne was subtle but still apparent. It reminded her of the forest; it reminded her of the wild, of adventure.   
  
She turned towards him and he was still looking down. He still wasn't looking at her. With exasperation she said; "Inuyasha what's wrong? I know there's something wrong. You're being too quiet." Her voice was low because she was so close to his ear. Although she didn't like the silence, she didn't want to break it just yet. If it was going to be stopped, it had to be by him.   
  
He looked back up at her. His own face was so close to hers and she could almost feel the breath of his words as he spoke. "Nothings wrong Kagome. I just don't feel like being here right now. It has been a long day." his voice was soft and devoid of its usual gruffness.   
  
"You should cheer up. This is a party you know." She said in a whisper so close to him.   
  
She let out a low breath and spoke in a whisper; "Inuyasha." She was already leaning close and closing her eyes and she could almost feel the warmth of his lips. She wanted to taste him and feel him; she wanted to be with him. It was only them in that tiny room, stuff animals and pictures of memories were really the only witnesses. No partygoers, no Miroku or Sango looking for him. The music was just a shadow and the world was really next door and not right below their feet.   
  
And the world stopped turning and took a tiny breath to wait for them.   
  
But the only thing that met her lips was air.   
  
"Kagome it's not like that." He said his voice almost regretful.   
  
She popped her eyes open and realized that he was leaning back from her, his face confused and sad. _He didn't want to kiss me. He doesn't want me_. To say she was at a loss at what to do was an understatement.   
  
"Oh no oh no. It's no big deal Inuyasha. Really it is not, forget it. Forget it. PLEASE." She said quickly while backing off the bed. He was still sitting there but he was getting up about to speak when Kagome interrupted him again; she really didn't need or want to hear some pathetic let down. "No. Sit Inuyasha. Don't worry." She sputtered while backing away from him towards the door.   
  
She banged into the door, the doorknob hitting her in the back. She grabbed the knob and turned it and still backing out she said embarrassed; "I'm- a – going to see Sango. See if she needs any help. I'll –uh- see you later."   
  
"But Kagome." Inuyasha began but Kagome didn't want to hear his voice and closed the door on him. She quickly walked down the hall silently praying he wouldn't come. She turned to look behind her; no one was there. She couldn't help but feel some disappointment.   
  
Kagome could feel herself slowly unraveling like a ball of yarn. Walking down the narrow hallway, she could feel the walls falling, collapsing on her with every thump of the music. The panic rising in her heart was a shadow of the beating music.   
  
She stood on the landing of the stairs her eyes taking one last glance up the stairs her mind wondering if a boy with long black hair would be walking after her. Of course there wasn't. She had already made up her mind she would be going home. She had to. There was no way she could stay now.   
  
"Kagome?"   
  
The girl turned at the sound of her name.   
  
"Hi Lio." She said letting out a breath and smiling. She knew there was no way it could have been Inuyasha but if it had been Sango …she may have just started crying. She took a deep breath to calm herself.   
  
"How's everything?" he asked following her through the crowd.   
  
"Fine but I am tired. I was just gonna go home…"   
  
"I can take you…" he offered.   
  
Kagome just shook her head, "No It's okay I don't want to bother you." she didn't want anyone with her right now.   
  
He shook his head too in disagreement. "Come on I'll walk you." He said taking her arm and pulling her the rest of the way through the crowd before she could say anything.   


* * *

  
Leaving the house had been the exact thing Kagome needed. She breathed in the air and felt somewhat better about what had happened. And Lio was doing a very nice job of keeping her mind occupied.   
  
It wasn't like Kagome had never been dumped or rejected.   
  
That wasn't the issue. It was just well Inuyasha had somehow and against great resistance on Kagome's part gotten under her skin. At times when she was at home she got the urge to call him just to hear his voice. Of course she never did that would be doing nothing but giving in to herself and in the end cause her to want more. She had tried very hard to not want more of Inuyasha because of who he was. That was just too much of a risk Kagome didn't think she could take.   
  
Kagome knew herself. Having strong will power was not one of Kagome's strengths. She gave in all the time to her wants. She didn't want to treat Inuyasha like that. It wasn't right; he deserved more. He was a good person with faults but still a good person. And Kagome just didn't know if she could change.   
  
She looked up to the stars almost looking for some guidance. Of course no answer came to her and she couldn't help the sudden loneliness she felt yet again. Lio didn't know her, at least the way a person who really cared would.   
  
_Does Inuyasha know me? Do I know him? There's still so much I don't know. _  
  
Kagome didn't know if she really wanted to be with Inuyasha. When she had tried to kiss him it had been almost a habitual thing that she did.   
  
"Are you cold Kagome?" He asked as he noticed she had tightened her arms around herself. She felt this disgust at her own stupidity well inside of her. _It doesn't matter anyway he doesn't want me._   
  
Kagome shook her head, "No. Thanks for walking me." Her house was practically in front of them. All she wanted to do was sink into her bed and drift. She didn't want anyone around her, she didn't want to talk; she wanted to just crawl away. Humiliation was humiliation regardless of how many times it happened.   
  
She looked over to Lio. _Why can't I like someone like him?_ He liked her it was obvious although over time the feelings had simmered down but it didn't mean they couldn't be cooked up again. She shook her head at that idea. Even she knew what a bad idea that would be. _What's wrong with me_?   
  
She said goodbye to Lio and shut the door without even giving him another look. It was only one and her mother was still probably up but she didn't want to have some conversation. If her mother saw her she would know there was something wrong… at times it could be so annoying. Climbing up the stairs making sure to side step old creaks, Kagome just let the scene in Sango's room repeat in her head. It was almost like a movie she was watching, cringing at the part where the boy doesn't want the girl.   
  
_Except the girl is me this time._   


* * *

  
Kagome had only been able to get an hour of sleep before her cell phone was buzzing in her ear making her wake up. Without looking she knew it was Sango, the only person who would call her so late.   
  
"Where are you?" Sango immediately asked when Kagome answered the phone.   
  
"At home…" Kagome answered meekly readying herself for the tidal wave of guilt Sango was going to put on her. First she didn't show up to help decorate and now she left early without even saying goodbye. Normally, Kagome spent the night at Sango's helping her clean and open presents before chowing down on the leftover food and drinks.   
  
"Why?"   
  
"I don't feel good. I think I drank too much." Kagome said trying to weaken her voice and sound convincing.   
  
"…Oh. …" Sango stopped for a moment but then spoke very quickly with a slight sound of alarm. "You didn't walk home alone did you?"   
  
"No. Lio took me…"   
  
The phone suddenly got very quiet but Kagome could hear her friend's muffled talking on the other end.   
  
"Hello?" Kagome said after a while when the muffled speech stopped.   
  
"Kagome? I guess it was good that you went home." Sango sounded a bit relieved.   
  
"Why?" Kagome asked her voice low. Even though there was no one there to see her, her eyebrow popped up in curiosity.   
  
"Kikyo's here." Her friend's voice was a bit angry. "I didn't even know, Miroku just told me. I wonder if she knew this was my party." She said her voice making the question seem almost like an after thought. "Anyway did you find Inuyasha? Miroku's looking for him now."   
  
Kagome's stomach dropped at the name. She didn't want to be reminded at the moment. "The last time I saw him he was in your room…"   
  
"He isn't there anymore. Miroku doesn't want him doing anything stupid now that she's here…"   
  
"Huh? What?" Kagome sat up quickly ignoring the small wave of nausea sweeping through her. She got the sudden feeling that she just asked something she didn't want to know. "Why would Inuyasha do anything stupid because of Kikyo?" Kagome was trying very hard to make her voice sound nonchalant but that was hard when Kikyo was involved.   
  
"…"   
  
After a moment of silence Kagome's voice raised. "Sango? What?"   
  
"Well…even I'm not supposed to know. I made Miroku tell me…" the hesitation was dripping from her voice.   
  
"What?"   
  
"Inuyasha… He and Kikyo they used to be together. Inuyasha's still kinda stuck on her."   
  
"Oh." So her stomach had stopped that dropping feeling and instead it was her sinking like a stone in the sea.   
  
"You can't say anything Kagome. Miroku will be in so much trouble." Sango said quickly not noting her friend's sudden drop.   
  
"I-I know I won't. Uhm… Sango I'll talk to you tomorrow okay?"   
  
"Okay Kagome. Feel better bye." Sango said before hanging up.   
  
Kagome let her hand drop from her ear, the cell phone still in hand. _He was with Kikyo_. She couldn't believe the taste of anger and sadness that invaded her senses. She gripped her phone tighter almost like she was trying to tie herself to something. _He was with Kikyo_. Yep it hurt. Kagome couldn't help the frown that slowly appeared on her lips and the fall of her brows.   
  
_Why should I care? We were never together. I was stupid… It doesn't matter now. He can have Kikyo or anyone else. It doesn't matter. He's not worth it._   


* * *

  
**A/N:** If you're wondering just where this will go well… I listen to Brand New – Deja Entendu, The Donnie Darko lyrical soundtrack, Greatest Hits of Bjork CD and a couple of dark Sneaker Pimps songs. I base my writing on the music. You can find a couple of lyrics in here if you look. Tell me what you think please. **REALLY**!!


	7. Chapter 6

**A/N**: I just wanna thank everyone for reading my story and all those comments mean a lot to me. I also have to thank the CDs of Something Corporate's North and Death Cab for Cutie's Transat..... (Sorry can't spell that damn CD name) I also reserve the right to edit this at anytime. I'm not too happy with Inu's character right now.  
  
**Disclaimer**: not mine.  
  
**Difference between Wanting and Needing **  
  
**Chapter 6 **  
  
_Stupid Kagome_.  
  
That was the thought repeatedly bouncing around Inuyasha's very disgruntled mind throughout the day. He kicked an empty soda can and heard it scuttle down the street breaking the calm of chirping birds and the hum of electric lines. The midday sun was burning down his back only occasionally broken by a subtle breeze. But it wasn't like Inuyasha even noticed the heat forcing the sweat the pop up on his brow and lip. He was far too concentrated on the ball of anger rumbling in the pit of his stomach.  
  
_Why hasn't she been to school_?  
  
It had been three days and Kagome had not set one foot on the school campus. Seventy-two hours that Inuyasha had to stare at her empty seat and wonder just where she was. Instead of seeing glossy black hair in his view there was nothing but a regular old chipped seat and desk. During class that day, to much of his annoyance, Inuyasha realized he missed seeing her shiny black head bowed in certain concentration scanning numbers; something he had seen when she had come over to his house. He missed seeing the back of her pale legs and hearing the slight bobble in her voice when she had to answer a question in class out loud.  
  
_Damn her... _Inuyasha really didn't know who to be more angry with at the moment. Him or her. Her because she was the one who had persisted on making sure they go to school together. It was also her that seemed to have latched onto him; making him talk to her all the time. Her because she was the one who also got him to feel somewhat better about himself. Her because in few short weeks they had been hanging out she had actually gotten him to care weather or not he saw her.  
  
Or himself because he had allowed it to happen in the first place.  
  
He was the one who didn't stop her from tagging along with him on the way to school. He also didn't put a stop to all the conversation she seemed so determined to involve him in. He was the one who didn't mind her presence and began to _really _see her as someone he could have something in common with and enjoy being with. He was also the one that was skipping the rest of school to walk to her house and hand deliver a stack of Calculus homework.  
  
He just couldn't concentrate anymore. Nothing was going right for him since the week had started. He had been late to school... again. He hadn't done his homework... again. He had detention that very same day but knew he would never show up because at the moment he just couldn't put it in himself to give a fuck.  
  
She was in his mind more than Inuyasha was comfortable with. He didn't know when it had become like this. How long had they known each other? And just now he was getting to know her. He remembered when she could be gone for a week and he not even notice until Miroku or Sango said something and he realized that there was one body missing. She had been just that. A body that talked at times and said things but not anything to really get himself involved with.  
  
Inuyasha took the steps to Kagome's house, following the route almost by memorization. How many times had this been done? Him walking to Kagome's following Miroku and Sango like some puppy, scowling about how much he didn't want to go. He would admit that at times he did have fun and it was just more about him being difficult than anything else.  
  
Ringing her doorbell, Inuyasha noticed he was far too nervous for his liking. It's just Kagome. But the fact was it wasn't just Kagome. It had stopped being just Kagome since Sango's party...  
  
The young man forced the thought away for the moment. He didn't need to become even more angry when she answered the door.  
  
No one answered the door but Inuyasha wouldn't let something as little as no one home stop him from seeing Kagome. So he did the only thing he could he plopped down on her front step and silently thought the time away.  
  
He couldn't quite understand why he was sitting there waiting for her. Why he felt he had to...he just was. Stupid Kagome. He had told himself to stay away from girls and here he was waiting for one.  
  
_But is this any different_?  
  
Inuyasha would not like to think he was acting as if this were Kikyo.  
  
The thought of her turned down the burner of his anger. She had been at Sango's party. No one had to tell him that she had been in the backyard surrounded by the same gaggle of girls. He had felt the click of compromise and recognition between them when their eyes meet. He had seen the silent request of her mouth asking her friends to leave her alone.  
  
_You shouldn't still be angry with me. I don't want you to be angry with me anymore. _  
  
But he had a right didn't he? She had nearly used him to get, what she deemed, a greater understanding of herself. She had seen him as a vehicle of learning more about herself and after that he was nothing.  
  
_That doesn't mean it didn't mean anything. You still mean something to me. Because of this we still mean something to each other.  
_  
Inuyasha wasn't so sure he believed that anymore. She was speaking but all he could hear was his own voice telling him not to believe what she said. As he watched her speak, he realized words seemed to pour from her mouth far too easily like she had already known what she was going to say. Like she was just waiting and ready for this moment.  
  
_I still care. Can't we just go back to what we were before? I can. Can't you? _  
  
_No_. He had decided that a long time ago. He knew that the moment they changed. Why didn't she? If she knew him she would have known nothing could have went back to what it was before. If it could he would gladly forget her and everything that happened. He would gladly never remember what he felt when she walked away with Naraku. He would blind himself to the hate and the confusion and the hurt that overcame him when he saw her surrounded by her friends.  
  
It was nearly a mirror to Kagome.  
  
He had seen her walk away with Naraku after she ran away from him. And the only thing that was more surprising than that was the fact that it almost felt like Kikyo again.  
  
And Inuyasha had no idea why.  
  
"What are you doing here?" said a female's irritated voice.  
  
Inuyasha turned his head sharply to his right and was greeted with the sight of a very well Kagome dressed in jeans and a nice shirt. Normally, Inuyasha would be happy with seeing her and would have felt a bit of relief at the fact that she wasn't sick.  
  
He would have, if he hadn't realized that Kagome looked like she had just come back from shopping. In her hand was dark blue glossy bag that Inuyasha recognized from a shop in Ginza.  
  
"Where did you come from?" he asked eyeing the package. He knew the place was an expensive girl shop.  
  
Kagome blinked at him surprised with his question but ignored it, not wanting to answer. "What do you want?" she asked again her voice dripping with contempt.  
  
Standing up in front of her, he realized she was wearing heels. She was almost at his eye level and staring at him steadily with very angry eyes. "You answer me. Where were you? I've been sitting out here; waiting! You're not even sick! You've just been lying-"  
  
"I don't have to tell you anything Inuyasha." Interrupted Kagome; stopping his tirade. "You don't own me." She finished with as she side-stepped him to get to her door. Bringing out her keys to unlock the front door she heard the rustle of paper.  
  
"Wait!" Inuyasha shouted. Kagome paused, door unlocked and keys hanging limply from her hand. She seemed to take a breath before turning to look at what he wanted.  
  
"Here's your damn homework." Inuyasha said dropping the stack of papers into her open shopping bag. "Sango thinks you're really sick. You could have told us that you weren't, we are your friends." He snapped.  
  
He had expected her to jump on him about not having to tell them everything but she seemed to be looking into his eyes; looking. She blinked and turned her attention to the ground, almost weighing the words Inuyasha threw out. He heard her breath out in a whisper, "Friends..."  
  
"Kagome?" a very confused Inuyasha asked. She wouldn't look at him as he bent lower to peer at her face that was still turned to the ground.  
  
The young girl raised her gaze and Inuyasha saw the glassy look of tears surface. "You're so fustrating Inuyasha! I-I'll talk to you later." She stuttered taking a step back from him and thumping against the wall.  
  
"Kagome?!" Inuyasha shouted in alarm before grabbing her arm. He wasn't letting her leave before she explained why she was suddenly so upset.  
  
Ripping her arm from his grasp she turned on her heels and said more to the door than Inuyasha's face, "I'll go to school tomorrow. Bye." And then promptly shut the door in his face.  
  
Inuyasha stared at the dark brown door, mildly shocked and completely confused.

9

* * *

9

Kagome dropped her shopping bag down at the door and quickly turned to lock the door. She remained still wondering if she would be able to hear Inuyasha walk away. She peered through the tiny door hole, squinting trying to make out just what Inuyasha was doing. He was standing there motionless and Kagome could barely make out his facial features but he almost looked... sad.  
  
She took a step back and shook her head. _What does he have to be sad about_?  
  
Kagome picked up her shopping bag and turned towards her room. It was far too early for anyone to be home. The silence of her house was almost welcomed and Inuyasha's visit had only reminded her why she hadn't been to school for three days.  
  
Maybe she shouldn't have disappeared on Sango but... she just didn't want to talk about it with anyone. Sango would want to know why she wanted to skip out on school, she would want to know what was wrong; it would just lead to what had happened at her party. She didn't need Sango's pity, she didn't want Miroku to try to talk to Inuyasha and make him see that maybe Kagome wouldn't be a bad choice to be with instead of Kikyo.  
  
Least of all she didn't want to explain about Kikyo. Kagome felt she would have to tell them why she felt such animosity towards a person she hadn't spoken to for nearly eight years. She would spit if she found out Sango had told Miroku about Kikyo...and her friend would to try to get both of the boys to understand why anyone would be better than her.  
  
She just didn't want to deal with it. The best way from having anything happen was to avoid it. At least that was the way Kagome saw it.  
  
Kagome dropped her things upon her bed, letting the items spill from the gauzy blue bag. She starred at the new items with almost contempt and already knew she would probably never wear them.  
  
She had met him two days ago at the bookstore of all places. She had been turning the pages in a magazine when he had bumped into her reaching for the car magazine that was standing on the shelf in front of _her_.  
  
His name was Yoji and he was twenty, a university student visiting his parents for the week. He was studying to be a computer geek for some company Kagome had never heard of. He was also fluent in English but had never been to America, although someday he did want to go to Hawaii.  
  
Yoji had one younger sister. His family also lived with his grandmother and her two cats. He never came home but had this time on a whim and was very glad he did because then he wouldn't have been in that bookstore at that time, reaching for that magazine at the exact time that Kagome was standing reading her magazine.  
  
He had clear dark eyes, and hair that was almost as shiny as hers. He was taller than her in her highest heels and seemed to dress better than her even on her good days.  
  
Today he had wanted to take her to Ginza and shop around some. Of course being in Ginza meant Kagome just had to stop at Mardi Gras, a very cool boutique that had some very rare and wonderful clothes.  
  
It had been a great date. Really.  
  
Kagome starred at the bag in almost defeat. She couldn't let this day turn even more sour because of Inuyasha. She began taking out the clothes she bought. There was nothing wrong with them and she had liked them enough when she had bought them.  
  
_I'm not about to let Inuyasha ruin anything. Why did he come any? He could have just given the work to Sango. _  
  
Changing out of her clothing, Kagome started to pull on the new jeans she bought; hoping it would add some satisfaction to the day and make her feel better. She turned to stare at her reflection in the full length mirror hanging on her closet door. The jeans looked just as nice as they did a couple of hours ago in the store dressing room. but there was none of the satisfaction she had been hoping for.  
  
She stared at herself not liking one bit the face that looked at her. She was frowning without knowing it and her forehead was creased in agitation. _I don't want him to have this effect on me. Why can't I stop caring?  
_  
_Maybe I should just act like nothing ever happened. I never tried to kiss him. And he never brushed me off. _  
  
"Am I making a big deal out of this?" she asked her reflection a loud.  
  
It wasn't like they were ever dating. He never gave a clue about what he felt for her other than a friend. Maybe she had been out of line trying to kiss him. Maybe they could go back to being friends.  
  
_What if he still is with Kikyo_?  
  
Kagome had been doing a great job avoiding the thought of Kikyo. But having her trip through her thoughts did nothing but leave a sour taste in her mouth and an anwer in her mind.  
  
_It still doesn't matter_.  
  
9

* * *

9  
  
The temperature was finally cooling down as Inuyasha sat sighing. The sun was silently falling on the horizon creating natural hues of orange and violet swirling with faint lines of blue. A breeze rustled leaves and branches before rolling over Inuyasha's slightly sweaty skin, cooling it. The young teen sat staring out wondering to him self just what he would do. He had hoped working on the shingles of the shrine would help his mind clear. But now he was just tired and confused sitting on the broken shrine roof.  
  
He had walked him from Kagome's very irritated; Kagome's behavior, his feelings, the fact he didn't know what was going on with her had done nothing but push him. Myouga had reminded him to fix the shingles of the shrine and Inuyasha had just nearly bitten off the old man's head before stomping outside into the stinging heat that seemed to pale in comparison to what was boiling inside him. He had known it would need to be finished but that didn't mean he would want to do it.  
  
Besides having to do this was like a precursor to what was coming up. It was almost tourist season. It was almost time for Inuyasha to crack a smile and be polite to people he would rather trip into a muddy gutter. Before his parents died the shrine had been private solely for family and friends but with his father gone and his mother barely even to work, too busy trying not to let her own sorrow swallow her, the shrine had opened to the public.  
  
_She would love this right now. _  
  
Inuyasha stared out at the city that seemed to be in the process of being swallowed by the sun; everything lit in a fire that wasn't quite hot enough to burn. Aside from the occasional car honk and loud bird, the streets were just as quite when he was walking to Kagome's and home. The muteness of the city at times drove him crazy. Even the voices of his neighbors couldn't hide the silence that seemed to sink into the city.  
  
More than once Inuyasha had been right here atop the shrine staring out into the city with Kikyo. She loved the setting sun because it was so large and just made everything else seem so small, so insignificant.  
  
_Our problems are so small right now_.  
  
She always used the sunset to get away from whatever was bothering her. She just saw no reason to talk about anything because right then it just didn't matter.  
  
_It's like the sun is burning the city. Like the world is ending. You know that's when people really see what's important... it just doesn't matter Inuyasha. _  
  
Kikyo never wanted to answer his questions about them when the sun was setting; to her it was almost an event. Something for her to look forward to because during that time, she didn't have any problems and the only thing that mattered was what color a swirl of violet was going to change into. Every cloud turned into its own little shape and each twinge of color in the sky became a guess at just what color it truly was.  
  
_It's rusty...with little strips of plum. _  
  
She always won the description stage. And then she would always kiss him at the end telling him it was more of a 'thanks for participating prize'.  
  
Her favorite nights were when the moon hung in the sky stuck, like someone pasted it on there. Clouds would drift behind it and Kikyo would say it was like the glue that made the moon stay. Or when the moon was dyed red ..._it's crimson Inuyasha _and it looked like someone had bled all over it before putting it out to dry.  
  
Taking one last look at the sky that appeared to have gotten a bit dimmer, quieting the city even more, Inuyasha got up and walked to the ladder leaning against the shrine. Climbing down, his thoughts jumped back to the problem at hand.  
  
He understood why Kagome was upset. At least he thought he did. _Why didn't I just let her kiss me_? It had to be it. But Sango hadn't come up to him hitting him on the head. Her and Miroku seemed a bit clueless about what was going on with Kagome.  
  
_Why wouldn't she tell Sango_? Girls always told each other everything. At least that's what it seemed like, from the way Kikyo's friends sometimes looked at him.  
  
There had to be something he could do. It was Kagome. He didn't want this to ruin what they had or what it seemed like they had. Besides she was on his mind far too much for them not to talk to one another again. Once she got around her head that there wasn't anything to be embarrassed about, they could go back to where they were. And he could stop thinking about her like...  
  
Like she was Kikyo.  
  
_Why didn't I let her kiss me? _  
  
Inuyasha didn't have an answer for that but he realized if he had let her he wouldn't be thinking of Kikyo right now. And Inuyasha felt some longing for that.  
  
9

* * *

9 Kagome didn't go to school for the next two days.  
  
It was two days of complete misery for anyone around Inuyasha. He seemed to blow at the simplest misunderstanding and the signature scowl on his face was permently etched unto his features, scarring the smooth skin and causing him to look even meaner than usual. He was repeatedly cursing and wondering about the girl in question. He had tried to go to her house again but no one had answered and regardless how long he stayed, no one showed up or opened the door.  
  
He was so angry with himself, with her... and anyone who happend to be in his eye view. He had asked Sango about her and all she gave him was some half-assed lie about her having a virus. But Sango seemed to believe it enough, so she didn't know what was going on with Kagome either.  
  
Inuyasha felt himself about to go insane the day he was late to school. Silently damning himself for thinking he could sleep only five minutes, when in reality it was thrity minutes. He had been having a hard time sleeping for the past couple of days and of course he was blaming it on the school girl, causing all this distress in his life. Sometime on the train to school it had begun to rain. Which just seemed to fit his mood perfectly. Hot, muggy air, nearly stifling with fat drops of rain causing the weather to be even more annoying than usual. The walk to school was only five minutes but felt like thirty trudging through raindrops that pelted him. He felt so heavy. Really there was no other way to explain just how bad he felt. He stepped over puddles that formed before his eyes, the rain as unrelenting and uncaring as the concrete it feel unto.  
  
Stepping into his Calculus class, Inuyasha had yet again expected the seat to be unoccupied and a silent, constant reminder to what was at the moment a problem in his life. He was not expecting to see Kagome sitting there nonchalant like there was nothing wrong and everything was dandy. He stared at her in near disbelief before realizing everyone but her was looking at him in slight amusementl; Kagome was far too busy staring at a speck of dirt on her loafer.  
  
"Mr. Mitsumari thank you for coming to class." The calculus teacher said breaking Inuyasha's concentration on willing Kagome to look up at him. "Will you please sit down and stop dripping all over my classroom floor?"  
  
Inuyasha gave a grunt before walking to his desk his eyes subtly trained on Kagome. She hadn't lost interest yet in her shoes and was now staring in rapt fascination at a piece of fabric torn on the the side of her right brown loafer. That was the way the rest of the period proceeded. Kagome staring at one object after another, sometimes slipping to the teacher before going to something else while Inuyasha silently muttered to himself that he would talk to her after class and get things settled. He nearly gave a sigh of relief when the bell rang signaling for the class change over.  
  
He followed her out the door and quickly walked up behind her. "We have to talk." he hissed in her ear as they walked in the hallway close to bursting with the flow of students. He grabbed her elbow, knowing she would try to run instead of face him.  
  
A small squeak emitted out of Kagome's mouth before she felt herself being "escorted" to the closest door on thier right. Inuyasha looked inside the window of the door before turning and opening it. If the class didn't have a teacher in it now then it would probably be unoccupied for a few more hours. He pulled her through the door, noticing how heavy she seemed.  
  
Stopping her in front of a desk he pulled away from her before jumping to his first question, "Where have you been?"  
  
"What do you care? I'm back aren't I?" Kagome said as she sat herself on the desk top.  
  
"Two DAYS later." he stepped up to her. "Fuck! Kagome you know you can get in shit with the school for that." Missing an unusual amount of school all at one time was enough for the school to choose to suspend or expel the student.  
  
"I already gave a note." Trying to be as calm as possible. "It's fine. Now I am going --"  
  
"You aren't going anywhere. You still haven't told me where you've been." he said crossing his arms, almost trying to dare her to move from her seat.  
  
"Like I should tell you." she shot back. "Why are you so concerned? You think coming to my house once to check on me gives you the right to know where I am at all times?"  
  
"But--"  
  
"No. No." she said shaking her head in defiance. "Spending some time together... there's nothing." she said brokenly, her own anger welling up in her throat.  
  
"But there is! Dammit Kagome. Why do think I stationed myself outside your damn house for two days?" Inuyasha rushed out before he could stop himself.  
  
"No there isn't Inuyasha." she put up her hand to his chest trying to distance herself from him. He just seemed too close all of a sudden. "Just because people spend some time together doesn't mean anything." she repeated faltering slightly.  
  
"Kagome. Listen to me." he pushed away her hand. "I do like you. Just... Why not try?" he said his anger almost deflating at the distress he could see thier conversation was having on her.  
  
"But what about..." she looked away from him not wanting to explain.  
  
"What?" Inuyasha said his confusion and curiousty growing.  
  
"You don't want anyone else?" she asked suddenly looking him in the eye.  
  
"No." his answer was quick almost to Kagome's disappiontment. And she realized that sometimes a lie was the best thing to hope for.  
  
Kagome was silent, looking at him in comtemplation. _Why am I trying so hard not to have what I want? Maybe it could be different this time._ "OK then. We can try." she almost whispered still looking into his eyes. His eyes, nearly a mirror of hers, never wavering. 

9

9

**a/n:** Can you guess what Inu is doin?? Is it just me or is Kikyo all OOC with that cloud stuff?? I'm not sure. Tell me what you think. Anyway sorry for the wait till next time people.


	8. Fragments

**Disclaimer**: Plot is mine. Characters are not.

**A/N: Sorry for the wait. **I reserve the right to change this chapter at any time if something comes up in the next. Also this isn't really chapter 7 it's more like a chapter btwn 6 and 7. This chapter is different from the rest in being less thought more action and... well fragmented.

**ALSO**: Please tell me what you think. Good or even _bad_ reviews would be very much appreciated. Thanks for reading.

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**Difference between Wanting and Needing**

**Fragments**

"I can tell you don't want to be here."

Inuyasha turned to the female voice floating behind his knelt form. The line of his lips turning to a slight frown seeing that it was just another girl waiting to get a charm or something just as silly. The touring season always did make him grumpier –agitated. Every girl was the same, giggling some nonsense about 'pure love' and wanting a charm or a chant to say to get that love.

This one standing behind him was just more perceptive, less oblivious than the rest.

The young man simply grunted as a way of agreement before turning back to his chore of organizing the tiny bells etched with Chinese symbols. "Which one do you want?" he simply asked.

The small brush of air, pushing against his T-shirt signaled that the girl had stepped closer to him. With a glance up, she was standing at his side peering at the bells, "Do you know what these say?" she asked.

Inuyasha looked up at the girl in surprise, turning his real attention towards her for the first time and noticing her; "You can't read girl? Or are you not from here?" he asked. He knew he was probably being rude but the day just had not gone well for him.

The girl with hair the color of the night with no moon smiled at him before nipping at her bottom lip with pearl white teeth, "No I lied. I just wanted you to turn around."

* * *

Inuyasha lay beside someone he never thought he would. Least of all in her room, surrounded by pictures of a life he had never been a part of. He panted as he starred out the wall-size window on his side of the room. The sun was near setting letting city lights take over and create an artificial day. The gauzy drapes lifted with every swirl of wind that entered through the open window. 

It seemed so far away. The sound of the murmuring city, the tapping of heels and low roar of trains, the push and pull of an unrelenting chase for something more then he was really willing to go after. None of it could enter through the cracked window though. It relaxed Inuyasha nearly more then the sex. A separation from his life; that was what this time meant. He would have to tell her sometime. He didn't want to admit how much he didn't want to.

As she sat up, the fan of midnight surrounding him slinked away to lie limp against her back, like a black waterfall frozen. The paleness of her back seemed starker against that waterfall, the bones of her shoulder blades jutting out slightly.

"We shouldn't see each other anymore." her voice was quiet, but the silence of the room seemed to cause it to be too loud; too abrupt.

Inuyasha sat up, confusion rising in him. "What?" he simply asked his voice trying to hide what he thought he felt inside.

Her answer to his question was slow in coming like she was thinking of the best way to put it, "I'm not sure." She finally said, turning to look at him. He could see that she was nervous; she always twiddled with whatever was in her hand when she was talking about something she didn't want to. The thin cotton sheet in her hand looked like she was about to tear it, the whiteness of the sheet a near match to the pale of her knuckles.

The fallout to his stomach was something Inuyasha was not expecting. The heat of the room seem to intensify as he struggled to smoothly swallow the words on the tip of his tongue; words that would have made her turn away, would have made her walk away.

"What's wrong?" he simply asked not really wanting to know. He ran his fingers through his hair, flashes of her fingers going through it still tingling his scalp. Letting out a sigh, he rested his arms on his raised knees. And he had thought things had been settled at least for the mean time.

She shook her head; he could see the indecision in the way she looked away from him. She wasn't thinking about her words, she was thinking if she should tell him. She already knew what was wrong and to be honest he knew too.

"This isn't right. Us I mean."

"Why do you think that?" It was the most honest answer he could give her without being the first to say it. She had to say it. If anything were going to change she would have to be the one to do it.

"Stop." She said strength returning to her voice; conviction and understanding replacing the question that had been in her voice earlier. "Agree or disagree but no more questions." She finished biting on her words.

And already he was getting up and shuffling for his jeans; it was him on automatic. He hadn't told her anything, well at least the things that mattered.

"Why are you the one to always walk away?" irritation could be felt radiating off her near naked body.

"We always come to your place." He said his voice muffled as he pulled his blue t-shirt over his head.

"That's beside the point." She said shaking her head. "Your mind… your feelings, they leave before your body ever does."

"I am here Kikyo. You're just so insecure about-"

"NO! It's not like that and you know that." Her voice wasn't shaking but the way she was clutching the bed sheet to her body told Inuyasha enough. "Don't bring up everyone else. I know I don't make you happy."

"Kikyo," he said turning to look at her confused by her statement. "Why would-"

"I don't," she continued as though he had never spoken. "You are never happy… content. You only seem a fraction better when you're _fucking_ me." The venom in her voice stabbing into her curse word almost made him flinch. Almost. Instead it just got him more pissed off.

"You don't get it Kikyo." Inuyasha said already halfway across her tiny room, trying very hard to not to look at the distraught girl watching every move he made.

"Then tell me what it is... please." The last word drowned by the sliding of her bedroom door.

* * *

"Hey." 

"Hey."

"Can I come in?" Kikyo asked quietly not quite sure if he would slam the door in her face. Inuyasha let her by him into his home before closing the door and leaning against the it, watching and waiting.

"We need to talk…" She said simply more to the floor than him, her arms crossed almost like a shield. She was biting on her lip again. "Do you hate me?"

The short snort he gave should have been enough of an answer but Inuyasha just wanted to make sure she completely understood, "What do you think Kikyo?" Malice was dripping in his voice and souring his face.

Kikyo looked up at him, her arms dropping to her side and an irritation clouding her eyes, "I know how you feel about Lio but that doesn't mean-"

"You were fucking hanging all over him Kikyo!" Inuyasha yelled out, "Like a goddamn slut-"

"I am NOT! I was not all over him!" She yelled with an outburst of emotion that Inuyasha had never witnessed. His eyes had widened at her outburst before dropping as she continued, "That's what a couple is Inuyasha. They do more than-"

"You didn't want that with me Kikyo." It was true he believed it and she knew it.

Kikyo's hands balled into fists almost in a way to control anger that Inuyasha had never seen in her before. "Because I knew I couldn't have it! You didn't-"

"What makes you-"

"Let me finish!" She cried stopping him. The anger dropped to something more sympathizing; her words were quick,"You showed me that for two people to be together they have to be whole. You aren't. I can't have that. I don't want that."

Inuyasha was silent letting her words wash over him. She had given him an answer but…

"Did you even care?" His eyes falling to the big, black scratch on his wood-paneled floor.

"Yes. I did. I still do." She answered shoulders falling.

"Then why the fuck are you with him?" The rage had dissipated to resemble a tired sadness.

"Because it isn't enough," Kikyo said shaking her head. "I know Inuyasha what it's like to not be happy with what you have. I need to be happy." A near desperate plea in her voice cut into him.

"Why can't I make you happy?"

"Aren't you listening? You're never _here_ with me." She said pointing a finger to her own head, not wanting to be close enough to touch Inuyasha. "You're always someplace else. I should be there but I'm not. And it's not fair to either of us."

Kikyo had never needed his love.

"I never meant for it to end like this." She said sadly, her voice full of regret about him, them.

That was enough to tell him she had always meant for it to end. And he cared and deep down he wished he didn't.

* * *

"Then ask me something Kagome." 

"Like what?"

"I don't know something." his voice was edging unto anger, as was his attitude. He could feel it in himself; he could see it riding in her eyes. If only she hadn't complained about them not knowing enough about each other. They had been aware of each other's existence, been in the same vicinity and close proximity for years they had to know _too much_ about each other by this time.

But she had said no and he had the sneaking suspicion she was taking notes of Miroku and Sango; the two who were attached at the hip before they could properly say each other's name.

"Uhm…okay okay." She said tapping her forefinger against her lip, clearly pondering just what she should say. After a moment of thinking her eyes finally turned to him with a smile, "So what do you want to do after you graduate?" the innocence of her expression of her voice a near perfect façade for the trouble that he knew was below the surface.

Inuyasha rolled his eyes with a sigh, she had asked him this before and still he refused to give her an answer. "Kagome, didn't we talk about this before?"

"I know. But you won't even tell me why you won't tell me. I mean don't you think it's –STOP." She abruptly said, moving her head back from Inuyasha swiftly approaching lips. "You kissing me to get off the subject won't work all the time." She finished a fake frown drawn on her lips.

"Worth a try." Inuyasha gave with a shrug of no consequence.

"If you gave a reason I may stop asking."

"I don't want to tell because there is nothing to tell. Kagome you have options after and I don't. And I would just rather not think about it now. I like now. Later can just wait. Was that good enough of an answer?"

"…Yea Inuyasha." She said a small smile gracing her lips. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For liking now."

* * *

Kagome hadn't said a thing about Inuyasha to Sango. 

And she was pretty sure Inuyasha hadn't said a thing to Miroku… after all they were _guys_.

"You and Inuyasha have been spending a lot of time together…" Sango said implying something. Although Kagome knew just what her friend was suggesting.

"Why would you think that?" Kagome said quickly but as coolly as possible, silently thanking the Gods that they were on the phone. It was easier to lie over the phone line than in person.

"Because for the past …three weeks you two are always together."

_Oh that's right._ "Only because of the Calc class. Really I don't see how Miroku could stand someone like Inuyasha for so long."

"…Oh. So what's so bad about him?" her friend asked nonchalantly.

"Nothing really…just he always seems so …angry. Impatient, he doesn't really concentrate either…"

"…So you don't like Inuyasha?" Sango asked again like she didn't quite believe what she was hearing.

"Nope. He's okay, but being around him… I see why the two of us have never been so close."

Her friend didn't answer and the silence worried Kagome. It meant Sango was mulling over just what she had just said. "But I mean I like the fact that we talk to each other now." She quickly said hoping to cover a blunder if she made one.

"But you don't like him?"

"Sango, what is it?" Kagome asked cutting to the core of just what Sango wanted to know.

Her friend was hesitant before blurting out. "You don't dislike Inuyasha because of Kikyo right?"

Aside for the corner of her mouth dropping at the mention of her name, Kagome managed to keep her voice friendly as she answered. "Why would you think that?"

"Kagome," the girl could tell her friend was smiling. "You've gotten mad at Miroku for lesser. You-"

"Sango. Everything's fine …really. Just believe me okay?" Kagome asked trying to force the cheerfulness. Everything was fine but the longer they talked about…well the less fine it would become.

"Sure Kagome. But you would tell me right if it wasn't okay?"

"Yes. Of course."

* * *

They were stuck inside; listening to one another's soft breath as it broke the quiet hum of the turning fan. There was no crack of thunder or stunning show of lightening to single the sudden fall of rain that poured from skies that had recently been clear. Until the rain ended, they would be each other's entertainment. 

But it just wasn't going right at least for Inuyasha. Because while he felt like speaking, say something –anything- to break the stillness of the tiny room they were in, a sudden silence had befallen Kagome.

It wasn't until now that Kagome realized that her bedroom walls weren't actually white but more cream, like a white that had been mixed with just enough gray to darken it but not really change it. She looked up to the cutout paper flowers that she remembered sticking to the ceiling with Sango. It had been the summer; her mother hadn't been working and had decided to get two little girls' minds off the heat with creating as many different colored flowers as possible. There were blue ones and pink ones; copper orange ones stuck in the middle of blooming and even dark red ones that Sango always said were dying.

"What are you doing?"

"I should paint my room," she said absently twirling another strand of his hair and her hair around her finger.

"Why do you always do that?"

"What?"

"Play with my hair. I would understand if you were bald but… you have your own." She could hear the amusement in his voice. She could imagine the smile on his lips and the light in his eyes at finding something funny.

"You ask that a lot." She said instead of answering his question. It was true. This had to be the fourth time he had asked her.

"You do it a lot."

"I don't know… I like your hair."

"But it's just like yours."

"No," she said sitting up to look at him and shake her head, "It's not." She watched as he too sat up. "It's so long," she added.

"My mom liked it this way." He said shrugging. "Sometimes …she said my hair was too beautiful to cut."

Looking into his eyes, Kagome realized that now was a moment to remember. How his eyes weren't just dark brown but had violet so dark it was barely there. Just how long and dark his eyelashes were and when one fell, just how perfectly it curled rested against the pale skin of his cheek. Her eyes drifted down the strong line of his nose before dropping down to the tiny scar that was so small, on his chin.

"What?" Inuyasha asked just noticing how long Kagome was staring at him.

"How did you get that scar?"

"What scar?"

"Right here." She said softly reaching up to trace the tiny puckered line with a nail.

"Oh." He whispered feeling a twitch as her nail glided over his skin. "I don't know. Falling out of a tree…tripping up the stairs, a cat, a dog. I don't even remember having it." he finished, faltering at the end as her hand came up to caress his cheek.

The only thought slipping through Inuyasha's mind as he felt Kagome's hand flit along the side of his face was how long it had been since... She was still staring at him before opening her mouth, "You've been hurt a lot haven't you?" her voice this peculiar mix of sadness and understanding.

He nodded and Inuyasha knew she wasn't just talking about the scar on his outside.

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see look at that fluff... but don't get used to it.

**SHAMELESS SELF PRO MO**  
I have a new story out called **Consanguinity**, dark action with aslight inspiration from Ceres.  
**SUMMARY**: AU IK She is a curse to the ones most important to her. She is thier end, the reason for thier destruction. Blood is thicker than water but fear can break any bond.

Until next time - thanks.


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